Mask of Innocence
by Cherrie
Summary: *COMPLETE* It's hard to say you don't like somebody when your mind and heart shows otherwise. Hisoka+Illumi ; Leorio+Kurapika
1. Chapter 1: Denial

** Mask of Innocence **

**Disclaimers:** Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshiro Togashi who had been my eternal mentor ever since the creation of YYH (yes, from all the brilliant manga authors out there, Togashi-sama will always be the #1 in my list *nod nod*). No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.**  
Warnings: **Various lime scattered here and there, and a tad bit of mild lemon (I swore I'll never write another lemon again XP). Most definitely YAOI. Hey, look. Hisoka. Leorio. With two definitely gorgeous bishounen at their sides. What can anybody expect ^_~**  
Notes: **I've decided that I'm not getting enough of these two wonderful pairings, so I decided to create my own fanfic. Please bear with me though, this is my first HxH fic ^_^' And my very first time to admit that a fic with lemon in it is mine o.O Whoo, as they say, there's always a first time for everything. I'm under-aged though, but don't tell *wide grin*. Comments, suggestions and all sort of violent reactions are welcome. - kurapikasama@yahoo.com 

** Chapter 1 - Denial **

He couldn't believe this. 

He most definitely could NOT believe this. 

Here he was, lying in a soft bed with silken sheets that all the more turned him on despite the fact that he couldn't believe what was happening. The bed covers were tangled all over him, wrapping their smoothness against his already sensitive skin. The sleekness of the fabrics did not help his current predicament and just elicited various moans of both pleasure and confusion from the submissive young assassin. 

Without him knowing it, another low, blissful moan erupted from his throat, much to his dismay. His mind was pounding against his head over and over for the umpteenth time, telling him that this was wrong, that this was not supposed to happen. And not to mention the hell of a beating he's going to get once his family finds out. Not that he had ever been scared of those, but he wouldn't want to waste his time and energy trying to put up with all those whips and things his father would lay on him if ever something happened that was his doing. 

But all these thoughts were set aside when he felt heated lips cover the base of his throat, the very same lips that had kissed and sucked against his ear and the skin underneath just a minute ago. His eyes closed shut, his mouth opening in a shape that definitely conveyed pleasure, but he still felt uneasy. 

He didn't think anybody would believe it if ever they were told though. Illumi Zoldick, the infamous cold, emotionless assassin from the legendary family of the Zoldicks, easily under the control of a certain magician's charm and beauty, not to mention those powerful hands that expertly wandered around his almost lithe body, with his consent. 

Illumi cursed inwardly at that admission. He was with somebody. A MAN for that matter. And of all people, Hisoka. He gritted his teeth at the thought, his eyes glazed and confused when he opened them. All these time, he had tried to wake up from this nightmare, not that it was entirely that. He wouldn't admit it, but both his body and his voice had been betraying him ever since they started. 

He couldn't remember how he got there really. All he could remember was the playful expression Hisoka had when they first met once again after a long time. The handsome magician was wearing normal clothing for once. He thought that it could be because of the fact that they were in the city, he guessed the man didn't want too much attention for some reason, not that Hisoka was the kind who'd mind attention at all. 

Their meeting seemed a coincidence well enough. He had gazed appreciatively on the familiar form of the red-haired man before the other finally knew he was there. 

The magician had his hair down, its flaming red hue set down soft and naturally, framing his pale face beautifully. The trademark face paint was all gone, which only made him more beautiful to look at. Not that the face paint was bad either, he knew from the first time he saw Hisoka that no matter what he wore, he still looked good. 

He wore a long black coat that clung to his shoulders and slim waist before falling in a beautiful half arch underneath him. It was cold, which may explain the coat, but he swore that the coat looked too beautiful for the redhead that it could even look good on him despite hot weather and not at all ridiculous. 

A thin white shirt and a pair of plain black pants that clung suggestively on those long legs were what lay underneath that coat, which he later found out after he heard the bolt of a door's lock and the closing hush of dark curtains. Why he even came with Hisoka in his hotel room was beyond him, and his memory. All he could remember was that by the time he had turned back to see what was going on, he had been trapped between the coldness of the room wall and the heat of a well-muscled body and soft lips pressed hard against his own. 

His first thought was to shove Hisoka away, or to use violence if the damned guy was too strong, which he definitely was. But the next thing he knew, his own hands started to rest lightly on the other man's chest, only to creep up all the way around his neck. And soon after, he found his own hands betraying him as he started pulling on the magician himself, lips and tongues meeting up in the deep oblivion that was their own hunger and passion. He was drowning in this sea of bliss, drunk with every time that he would feel Hisoka's lips sucking on his, dizzy against the sweetness that he never thought the magician could ever own. 

He was losing his mind. And by the time his mind decided to at least kick in and let him realize what was happening, he was on a soft bed, crushed underneath the weight of a man that rained hundreds of wild kisses on him. 

He didn't know where this sudden hunger for the mysterious magician came from. Not to mention that he had kept wondering why. He was a member of the Zoldick family, trained to resist any sort of physical pain or need, a person void of any emotion and desire for anything. He doesn't care about anything or anybody unless the family name and fortune comes to mind. 

But this definitely had nothing to do with family, or money whatsoever. This was pure longing and a physical drive that he would oftentimes curse every time his thought would shift to the red-haired man during his training. 

And with those thoughts in mind, all the questions left unanswered, he gritted his teeth beneath the kisses that Hisoka planted on him, marking his momentary possession and dominance over the young man. Illumi bit his lower lip to suppress another upcoming moan, but failed heavily when he felt Hisoka rubbing himself against him, an unfamiliar but not at all unknown hardness against his groin. His body arched in pleasure at that wild sensation, an uncontrolled groan escaping him. He turned his face to one side to bury all his heated moaning to the softness of the pillow as he tried to catch his breath. 

He heard a faint laughter. "What's wrong? Can't take it?" asked a playful voice, which he all knew and detested, yet loved to hear at the same time. Hisoka leaned down against him and brushed a light kiss on the whiteness of his neck, his tongue coming up to brush its tip lightly against the part he had just kissed. "Want me to stop? I can always stop if you just ask me to." 

Illumi didn't miss the challenge in that teasing voice, and it only caused him to grit his teeth. He could've easily said a cold "yes", which in normal terms would've been an easy thing to do. But after all those kisses, touches, teases...no, this was not a normal situation. He was human; with the heart and mind of a skilled assassin, but human nonetheless. He never had such kind of pleasure when he was young, as young as Killua or Miruki, and wasn't at all aware that such a thing could've existed since he had been trained to be void of any physical feeling, may it be pain or this. 

"Damn you," was all the young Zoldick could say, his hands clenching on the bed covers as Hisoka bent down to suck on the skin of his left shoulder. He felt the other's hand close in on his, coiling his long fingers into his own. 

But he did not make a move to take his hand away. 

Another shrill laugh. "What's that? Did you say something?" he asked, his voice teasing him even more at his own show of compliance. A grin was fixed on Hisoka's face when he finally bent down to let his lips travel down the pale boy's neck, down to his chest. He planted various kisses there as well, all the while trying to ignore the throbbing wanton need that he felt between his legs. The expression this young, and usually expressionless, Zoldick had was priceless, and he was willing to suppress his own desires until Illumi would finally submit to him with his whole will. 

As for Illumi, he knew he'd be falling down the edge of sanity sooner or later. But still, he tried to hold back all the feelings that Hisoka would expertly elicit from him, wanting to keep his line of thought and pride with his own power and body. But much as he tried to deny it, he knew he'll only drive himself mad if he continued to push him away. If he lost the feel of that body against his, he knew he'd only go insane and yearn for it more and more. 

He didn't want to admit it, but he knew. He knew he wanted it. 

He knew he wanted Hisoka. 

** End of chapter 1 **

**A/N:**   
Wow...this lime part went longer than I thought @.@ I was more on planning to put Kurapika and Leorio in the first chapter already. But goodness, to try and shove Illumi the fact that he wanted Hisoka was a hard thing to do o.O Anyway, thank you for those who had the time to read ^_^ This is an attempt on a HxH fanfic, whether or not I'm continuing it depends on the feedback I'll be getting, so...er, there ^_^' 


	2. Chapter 2: To Smile Behind The Lies

**Mask of Innocence**

**Disclaimers:** Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshiro Togashi. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.**  
Warnings: **The usual YAOI warning ^_^ And Hisoka's hentai-ness warning too XP Hehe, I love this guy! ^.^**  
Notes: **Okay! I came up with the plot already! *heaves very heavy sigh* I knew I won't be able to take writing a plotless lime ^_^' Thank you to those who are reading this, feedbacks are greatly appreciated! =^.^= **   
**- kurapikasama@yahoo.com

**Chapter 2 - To Smile Behind The Lies**

"Leorio?"

It was a familiar voice he painfully knew, and he had it etched and memorized in every corner of his mind that sometimes he swore he could hear him calling his name over and over. In his dreams, he could gaze in those lovely eyes of radiant blue, to let himself drown in their intensity as they looked back at him with an irrefutable sparkle. In dreams, he could touch that smooth, creamy skin, to bask in its heavenly feel as it lay in contact with his body. In dreams, he could smoothen those soft strands of bright blonde hair, to brush it away from masking those magnificent eyes so they can look back at him with a smile glowing from that beautiful, feminine face.

"Hey, Leorio."

But it was tragic to say that all those things can only happen in his wildest fantasies, for whenever he would try to show at least a glimpse of what he felt to the younger boy, the other would always back away. All those small gestures Kurapika would show him all lead to one simple thing: rejection.

Leorio was never the type who would be so patient, and it didn't come out as a surprise when he finally decided to at least show Kurapika what he truly felt, more boldly than he would normally dare to. There were those tiny little moves he would pull, like reaching out to at least be able to hold his hand, the casual comments about how he looks, the almost impossible favors he'd do just to make the other boy smile. All of these were done with nothing but pure longing, and love, and a pledge of eternal slavery if only Kurapika would allow him.

But he never did. Every time Leorio would go near him to do something as simple as a mere touch, Kurapika would step away and would put himself in a position wherein the other man wouldn't be able to touch him. He couldn't be so naive as to not know what those things that Leorio do mean, but the other man supposed it was because Kurapika was uncomfortable around those kinds of things.

And so he decided to stay away, to just deify his proclaimed god that had been Kurapika from afar. He would do as he did before, without the silly, childish moves to get closer anymore. He would just stay there beside him, to at least get a glimpse of the young boy's presence, to just be able to know that he was all right.

That was how he devoted himself to him. And that was how he still was then.

"Leorio," this time, Kurapika finally looked over his shoulder to face Leorio, one eyebrow raised in question as he looked at his companion. "Hey, are you there?"

Leorio had to shake his head to wake himself up, and to stop his endless self-rants and just will himself to look at the young Kuruta. "Uh, yeah? What is it?" he asked, his own eyebrows rising innocently as he looked at him.

Kurapika frowned. "I've been calling for you but you don't seem to respond. Are you all right?" he asked, a concerned look crossing his angelic face as he fully turned to face him.

_No. I'm right here watching your every move, ready to kiss the ground you walk on, but you go around as if you don't see anything and you ask me if I'm all right?! _

But Leorio only nodded instead. "Of course I'm all right, why wouldn't I be?"

He wondered if Kurapika noticed the lie in that statement. He wondered if the younger boy could sense the hesitation in his voice, wondered if he could feel the pain in every word.

Kurapika nodded and all hopes seem to tumble down in front of the doctor yet again. "If you say so," came the polite reply, and he turned ahead once again, turning his back to Leorio and continued to look into the store window.

Leorio watched with a sigh as Kurapika started to admire the latest computer models, reading aloud the advantages a Hunter can get if ever he would decide to purchase one. Of course, Leorio knew that Kurapika would never buy such things, he was always the practical one who would be happy enough to just have something that would be of definite use to him. But he did not at all hesitate to admire those that deserved admiring, that was for sure.

After Kurapika finished looking around, he nodded to Leorio for them to continue on. Leorio would keep on stealing glances of the blue-eyed boy beside him from time to time, repeatedly asking himself if Kurapika was really that insensitive or was doing a good job hiding his reactions to Leorio's feelings. For whatever reason, it disappointed Leorio to no end, and wondered if self-pity really was pathetic if one would be given the same situation like his.

He didn't want to push Kurapika to anything he doesn't want to. But what could be so wrong about asking him to at least let him show him how much he truly cared?

* * * * *

Hisoka glanced at his companion for what seemed to be the hundredth time, but the young assassin still looked the same. Cold. Emotionless. Very much different from what he would be whenever he was under the spell conjured up by the magician every time they were alone.

He smirked, running his tongue slowly on his lips, probing his well-trained senses to catch the sweet taste of the assassin on them. He found it of course, the taste oh so maddeningly sweet and addicting that he would've whimpered if only he didn't catch himself. The memory of just a single kiss caused too much of a pleasure to him that his eyes drifted closed, his mind already drunk from the sheer thought of it.

He decided that he wanted to play around with his little lover for a while, to make him want him as much as he wanted him. A small smile graced the magician's lips as he watched Illumi from behind, his eyes roaming appreciatively on that graceful body before he made his move.

The weather was somehow colder than usual, and Hisoka made this as a reason to stay closer to his young lover. Long, slender fingers moved from the confines of leather gloves to lock themselves on the thick-clothed arm of Illumi, clutching it to a well-muscled chest beneath layers of clothing. The magician could feel his lover tensing at such a small move, and it all the more intensified how he felt towards the usually blank-eyed Zoldick. Didn't Illumi know that every time he moves away, it only made Hisoka want him more?

Apparently not, the magician supposed. He watched Illumi glare at him through ink-black eyes, the arm struggling away despite the tight hold he had locked around it. But Hisoka seem to be stronger, and won their little tug-of-war, earning himself a compliant young man's arm to hold onto while waiting for the light across the street to turn green. He didn't really like waiting, and he would've gladly crossed with no care at all for any other pedestrian or motorist, but having Illumi around made him a thousand-folds more patient and content with everything else.

All he wanted was his lover, and his lover alone.

The sidewalk was getting crowded, shoulders bumping against shoulders, faces of people scowling and wincing here and there. It wouldn't really matter what they did, nobody would seem to care. And thus thought of, Hisoka's smile grew as he leaned down to nuzzle his nose under his companion's ear, sucking on the soft earlobe before moving behind it to lick the sweet skin, loving the smell of Illumi's skin and hair all together.

He felt the younger man shiver beneath his ministrations, but he knew it in himself that stopping was the last thing Illumi wanted him to do. Hisoka could hear Illumi's low hissing as the assassin gritted his teeth, fighting back the urge to groan back and lean towards the magician's embrace.

It wasn't difficult to read the younger male's actions, because even if his eyes still kept their cold distance, Hisoka could see the small fire growing somewhere deep inside the ebony darkness, a place most people won't be able to see. He had come to know how Illumi hid himself, and how he still lived up to his family's name, and somehow broke through such barriers to see more inside the young Zoldick.

Feeling Illumi's restraint, Hisoka insisted in at least eliciting even just a small response. One hand let go of the other, only to crawl up to Illumi's arm and shoulders, down his chest and under the coat, exploring the well-toned muscles through the thin shirt. Skillful fingers played around the already sensitive skin, even through the clothing, inching lower and lower every time the assassin whimpered.

But everything came to an end when Illumi pulled away, his feet moving forward at the first glimpse of the green light. He left Hisoka amongst the crowd, staring at his retreating back, and he moved around the gaps between other people to get to the other end as fast as he could without a second's glance back.

But Hisoka didn't mind. He smirked as he watched Illumi's walk away, marveling the grace the boy still had despite the uneasiness he must be feeling by then. He may be cold and an expert assassin, but nevertheless, he's still human. And Hisoka wants him, ever since the beginning. 

And the assassin wants him back. 

And that's all the assurance he'll ever need to know to be able to break through the other boy's lies.

**End of chapter 2**

**A/N:   
***blinks* Does this thing make any sense at all?! o.O Sorry for making it a bit pointless on the first two chapters, the story will come in probably in the third chapter. Thank you for reading! ^^**  
**


	3. Chapter 3: Do you see me?

**Mask of Innocence**

**Disclaimers:** Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshiro Togashi. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.**  
Warnings: **The usual YAOI warning ^_^ Hint of OOCness on some characters, ehe, forgive me ^_^'**  
Notes: **If this doesn't show that this is some sort of angsty romance story, I don't know what will. Comments are greatly appreciated! - kurapikasama@yahoo.com

**Chapter 3 - Do you see me...?**

The light in the small cafe was fairly dim, giving the place an elegant feel to it. The black marble surfaces of the tables, black leather and metal chairs even enhanced the atmosphere even more. The door continuously opens and closes as customers walk in and out of it, indicating a well-run business. Waiters stood in different places, waiting for a call, greeting newcomers and bidding those who go out a polite goodbye. The sweet, strong aroma of caffeine lingered in the cold air-conditioned place, with the busy rustle and bustle made by the waiters and the customers.

Leorio fingered the small fork in his hand, playing with the remaining whipped cream that laid in the small platter in front of him, swirling them around. The small tinkling sound of silverware against glass echoed in his ear, but nevertheless, he wasn't really listening to it. It just seemed to pass through his ear, through his empty mind and out the other ear. Like the way his companion's words seem to just ring around his head, without him understanding even just one word of it.

On another other side of the table, Kurapika shifted his eyes from the speaker, Killua, to a certain, usually talkative doctor that sat on a seat next to his. The table was a black, marble square, one seat on each side. Technically, he wasn't beside anybody, but it can be considered that somehow.

"...so then Miruki called and told me that Illumi's running around himself as well. They don't know where, but it seems as though Karuto saw him in some hotel a few cities from here and..."

The younger boy's words also died down from the Kuruta's senses, his gaze mainly focused on the doctor. Blue eyes turned worried when the older man didn't even give him a sign that he noticed him looking, even if Kurapika was fairly sure that he was being obvious. His gaze momentarily shifted to Killua and Gon, checking if the two were all right. Killua was still talking, his words focused on Gon mainly instead of the three of them. He didn't mind though, he and Leorio have always known that Killua was much closer to Gon than anybody else, so it wasn't a surprise that he finds a more suitable person to talk to whenever they're together. As for Gon, he was listening at Killua's story attentively, sipping his juice from time to time, but his eyes never left the light-haired boy.

Assured that Killua and Gon weren't looking, long, slender fingers reach up to tap the other man's arm once. The other's eyes widened behind dark, round glasses, immediately looking at him with a look that the blue-eyed boy can't exactly decipher. Concerned eyebrows furrowed into a frown, his head tilting to one side in a silent question.

_Are you all right?_

Those were the words that Leorio found in the other's eyes, a pure look of a slightly calm alarm. _He's worried for me,_ he thought, judging from how the young Kuruta looked at him. He tried to speak, to tell him that he was fine, but something trembled and knocked inside of him, asking him the very same question. A question for the answer of "I'm fine" that he was just about to say.

_Am I?_

The question bothered him, making him silent still. He looked into the eyes of the boy slightly across from him, gazing into their deep blue depths, searching for an answer. What would he say? Could he tell him how he was feeling? How much he wanted him, adored him, loved him? How much it hurts to look at him and only see friendship reflected in his eyes with the way he looks at him, to tell him how much it hurt to smile for him when all he wanted to do was cry everything out? Will he be able to stop pretending not to see the look of obvious rejection in his beautiful face? Will he keep on masking everything out because he was too afraid to lose him?

Dark brown eyes finally looked away, shifting their attention to a fairly tall palm plant just beside their table. To all the questions he just asked himself a few seconds ago, the answers were all but a simple yet painful word: No.

Kurapika didn't miss the look of longing in Leorio's eyes, but like he had always done, he pretended he didn't see it. Like always, he acted as if he was just a friend, somebody who'd look at the doctor in friendly terms but not as something more.

But it wasn't because he didn't want to.

It was because he can't.

"Hey!"

Killua's voice sounded, breaking the moment, breaking the silence that had befallen their already silent conversation. But the silence was a different kind of silence. Just a while ago, they were talking, mentally. They seem to do that quite often actually, to only have the need to look into the other's eyes and immediately know what the other wants. They were that close, and both knew it. But the silence that had just befallen them through the other one was different, colder, painful. It was the silence they get into because they were afraid to look anymore, and they'll stop "talking" because the unspoken words are getting far too intimate. Far too undeniably clear, yet always denied and ignored.

Both pairs of eyes moved to look at the owner of the voice, one trying to catch the other's gaze while the other fought to avoid it. Kurapika tried to ignore the pain that suddenly crossed him then, dismissing the momentary ache, convincing himself that it was nothing.

But he knew it wasn't nothing. This was Leorio. The only one who can own his attention far more than anybody had owned it. He was the one who would always look at him, and smile when he looks back. He will always be there, no matter what the Kuruta did. He was always hoping, yet expecting nothing despite the many favors he had done.

Was he looking for something now? Was he starting to ask for his part of their so-called "friendship"?

Or was it really called that? As far as he could remember, Leorio had done him more favors and pardons than what can be expected out of anybody. But what has he done for the other? None. Only the right to look at him whenever he wants to, to look into his eyes with more than the usual look without getting punched square on the face. But was that fair? Was that what he was supposed to do?

No. But nevertheless, he does it.

Killua blinked up at the two. "Are you two even listening to what I was saying?" he asked. He rolled his eyes when both looked down in what looked like a gesture of apology that says "No, we didn't listen because we were staring off into space like a bunch of idiots". The young boy sighed and repeated his words from a while ago. "I was trying to ask you all if it's okay if we stay at my family's house for a while. Miruki said that it was the only other way my father could have me and Illumi back with them. Something about the idea of killing you guys and Illumi's supposed companion instead as a bad thought even to just think about," he said, shrugging.

Gon piped in. "Can we? Please? If we're allowed, I don't think it would be so bad. And even if they are trying to do something to us, they would've done it straight away instead of making us go in circles, right Killua?"

Killua nodded. "That's right. So what do you say?" he asked the other two.

Leorio, who was still in his best-friend-ignoring spree, looked at Killua and shrugged. He grinned, his momentary silence, self-hatred and regret hidden yet again in his trademark mask. A smile.

"Could be fun," he said. "And what the heck, we're stronger than last time now, eh Gon?"

Gon grinned back and nodded. "Of course!" He then looked at Killua. "Last time, we were told you were able to open three doors. Let's see who opens the most doors this time!" he said, giving Leorio and Kurapika a challenging look as well.

Killua nodded enthusiastically, giving Gon back the look of challenge.

Kurapika only smiled, a smile directed at Gon and Killua yet a smile that wished to reach the remaining member of their group as well. Again, he looked at the other. And again, he was ignored. And this time, when the cold pain came, he welcomed it. Because he knew he deserved it. He deserved it, because this kind of pain may not even be half of what he had caused the other.

But still...

_I never really was worth being special to someone like you. Of course it hurts, but what hurts the most is that I can't tell you why. I'm afraid you wouldn't understand. I'm afraid to tell you because you might move away. I'm afraid to lose you._

_But isn't that what it seems to be now? Or am I just hoping that you'll get over it and this anger will pass, leaving you with me without anything else to worry about? I don't want to risk it, but I wouldn't want to lose you this way either._

_I don't know what to do._

_I'm weak, helpless against these things. I get depressed too easily, to the point that the depression becomes obsession, and obsession becomes madness. And every time it happens, I always run to you for comfort even if I make it show as if I do it by myself. I look for you whenever I fall. Can't you feel it? Can't you see it?_

_Don't leave me now. I know I can be quite selfish, but if you're planning to punish me, not now. Please, not now._

_Not this way..._

_ * * * * *_

"An invitation then?"

Illumi nodded. He had just told Hisoka about what his younger brother, Miruki, had called to him over the phone for. Just a while ago, the young boy called him through his cellphone, asking him if he even had plans of coming back. It was tempting to say a straight "no", but he knew that wouldn't be much of a good idea. So all he said was that he wasn't sure. When the younger boy pushed him further with his barrage of accusing questions, accusations that had a slight bit of truth in them, he finally confessed.

He didn't want to go home.

Why? He didn't know. Sure, he was always ordered around by his elders to do them more favors than how much they give his other siblings, but that never really bothered him before. Usually, he'll only nod his head without even a sign of resentment against his father, mother or grandfathers. He was trained to be that way. He was made to be a master of his opponents, the god of his victims, yet a slave to those more powerful than he was.

But what caused him to change? Why had he suddenly turned childish, to a boy like Killua, who only does what he wants and disobeys orders when told? Why had he suddenly had the thirst to be free, to do as he desires without having to be pushed around and punished for disobeying? Why did he suddenly want to stay with another person, to always be where this other man was, even to the point of leaving the family all in all because he was driven by an alien feeling of loss if ever he'd even try to move away?

Illumi Zoldick was not like that. Illumi never neglected his duties, Illumi is always cold, aloof, bound to his parents' commands, abiding always to the rules. He never did go against the family, he never turns his back even if he was all but a simple member of the assassin group when his much younger brother will be the next heir. Illumi never cared, Illumi never felt anything, absolutely nothing. Nothing could ever go through his thick shield of dangerous ice that keeps him to be what he was supposed to be, to keep him from the world that might change him into something his family wouldn't want for him.

But were these questions really that hard to answer? He knows fully well what the answers will be, just by looking up to look into the eyes of the man who, as his conscience accused, changed him.

But that was why he didn't want to look. He was afraid to face the truth, because he still wanted to believe that he was still the same Illumi he knew, that his family knew. He didn't want to admit that he started to want something he wasn't supposed to, and he wouldn't admit that he's starting to drift away. He didn't want to go any further because if he did, life would be so complex. He never really liked it, life. How could he? He was an assassin. He takes life away. What was it like to be like him, one might ask?

Empty.

He's made to kill, made to obey. He has no right to live the way others do, because he wasn't like everybody else. But that was what he had thought before. That was when he accepted his fate, his destiny, to be a full-pledged killing machine with eyes that say absolutely nothing to the world.

But that phone call from Miruki just confirmed his fears.

He changed.

Hisoka noticed his companion's silence. Not that the younger boy hasn't always been silent, he just knew that something was unbearably wrong. He smirked, finally living to see how Illumi Zoldick handle inner conflicts. He had always thought if it was even possible for the young man to even feel anything, but overtime, while they were together for the past few days, he found what he wanted to see in more ways than one. And he was gravely amused.

But then, that was the sadistic side in him talking. His little "experiment" with the eldest of the Zoldick siblings was complete. He was just curious at first really, all but trying to see if he'll get a result. But in due time, not only had he learned something about the other man, he also found something in himself.

The part long hidden, the part he thought was lost, or had never been there to begin with. But that was when he discovered how it was to look for somebody again, to yearn and search for a kind of intimacy, a kind of physical contact if one would allow him to call it that. No amount of magic or power could ever give him the satisfaction he wanted from time to time. And that part was awakened by Illumi, and now that he thought that everything was over, now that he thought things will end just when Illumi admitted it to himself that he was capable of being someone opposed to what was required of him, he was unable to go.

A stupid thing to happen, but unconsciously, he fell into his own trap. And now he couldn't leave. 

**End of chapter 3**


	4. Chapter 4: Home

**Mask of Innocence**

**Disclaimers: **Hunter X Hunter is still Togashi-sama's, nothing except the plot and writing is mine. No money is made in the making of this fanfic.  
**Notes:** I'm going to start tackling different points in various HxH characters from now on. I like tampering with the minds and personas of often overlooked characters, so bear with me now, okay? =^.^=

**Chapter 4 - Home**

"Master Killua."

A man, about in his mid-30's and wearing the custom uniform of an elegant tuxedo and a regal posture, greeted them upon entering. Right after their meeting in that cafe, they've set off to go to Killua's house almost immediately. Gon was ecstatic, being able to step foot inside the Zoldick territory again, this time by Killua's side. Unlike their previous visit, he had no worries, because he trusted his friend enough to believe that he will be safe. He had also mentioned something about meeting Kanaria again.

Leorio marveled at how much faith the boy can give the other one. As he remembered, the last time they visited, they've encountered a lot of hardships, remembering how difficult it was just to even step foot in the said place. But in the whole duration of that little adventure, Gon had his mind set on meeting Killua, thus making him almost a bit too stubborn then, even if he was badly beaten by the various challenges the Zoldick territory has in store. He supposed that the two kids have had a great bond ever since the Hunter Exam, and it couldn't help but make him smile just by seeing it. 

Ever since they boarded the train, Gon and Killua have been arguing about who will be able to open the most doors. Each of them has his own challenge to tell, his own little friendly insult to further set his "opponents" off. But upon arrival, the argument was finally over. By the time they've learned the concept of nen, strength was never again an issue for them. Gon and Leorio opened five doors, while both Killua and Kurapika opened four. Although settled, Killua still vehemently went against the result, saying that Gon had cheated because of various reasons that were too twisted and confusing to be repeated.

But nevertheless, they finally resolved their little fight and had walked through the main door arm in arm, though still insulting each other. The doctor watched all this with what seemed like a painful smile. Sure, he was happy for the two, but he couldn't help but feel a slight bit of jealousy with them. It was just that those two best friends were so at ease with the other, so comfortable, and know fully well that they have the right to annoy the other in any way they could just because they trust each other enough to know their limits.

It was inevitable that he glanced at the fourth member of their little group, taking a glimpse of that beautiful face. The same boy was supposed to be _his_ best friend. At first, it was like that really, they were always together, always talking, even laughing together. But in due time, being the idiot that he was, he fell for the young man without even noticing it. And take note, young _man_. Heaven knows that he's not the type to notice his same gender, if asked actually, he was supposedly someone who runs around women like a pompous pervert.

But then again, those women he would run after would be categorized in all but one group. They were the ones he had no intention to get serious with, almost as if chasing women was a joke to him, a past time. But was his little I-fell-for-you spree with Kurapika the same? It couldn't be. Because if so, why is it that all he wanted was to just be there for him, unlike the girls whom he just wanted to go out with? Why is it that with Kurapika, he would be happy enough to just make him smile, or to just let him know that he's a friend who does not expect more than what Kurapika could give?

Sometimes, he even wondered if this shunning that Kurapika was giving him was a punishment from the gods.

Not that Kurapika's doing the shunning this time. As far as he was concerned, he has been avoiding long conversations with Kurapika ever since they stepped out of the ship. He didn't know why really, but for some reason, he couldn't stand being with him for more than three minutes. It wasn't because Kurapika's starting to get on his nerves, in fact, it was the other way around. He _himself_ was getting on his own nerves. He couldn't concentrate properly with the other around, nor could he think straight. But for whatever reason, he didn't know still.

Was it because it was getting too painful?

"Master Leorio? Master Kurapika? Your rooms will be in the other hallway, please follow me."

Oh great. Why is that wherever they go, his room is always close to Kurapika's, if not at all shared? Does fate really hate him so much to make him go through similar bouts of torture over and over? Sure, the one during the Hunter Exam was his own choice, but that was different. 

Leorio felt Kurapika's eyes on him, feeling the worry and anxiety even without looking. Honestly, it was tempting to turn around, to tell him that everything was okay and that he was just in a foul mood. But then again, if he sees that innocent smile again and sees the look of nothing but friendship in his eyes and the look of rejection in him if ever he would even dare to search for any sign of consent, he'll lose it.

And so, without even as much as a turn to acknowledge him, Leorio nodded to the servant to tell him that he'll be following him. They went in silence, the doctor trailing behind the servant while Kurapika stayed a bit farther. He thought he heard him sigh behind him before he finally settled his eyes on something else, probably the paintings that lined the walls.

A part of Leorio wanted to get angry at him, to cry out in front of his face that he was being an insensitive jerk, but another part of him screamed at himself, telling him that it's his fault. Whose fault was it really anyway?

They finally arrived in the first room. The guy said that it was going to be Leorio's, and that he can settle his things there if he wants to. Leorio nodded and thanked him, slowly entering the grand guestroom, but still too preoccupied to appreciate the size and the richness of it. He was about to turn around and close the door when his eyes suddenly met with Kurapika's, with still the familiar sign of worry, hidden in a look that was supposed to be a smile.

Kurapika spoke. "See you."

Leorio was silent. And closed the door.

He fell into a heap on the bed, for it was all he could do to protect himself lest he started hitting his head on a nearby wall for acting so badly. He decided that it was not Kurapika's fault. In fact, he was the victim here. He himself was the insensitive one who claims that he does not expect anything out of this whole mess but still feels disappointed when he actually gets what he expected: nothing. But then again, another minus point for him for saying that Kurapika was doing nothing. Because as far as he was concerned, Kurapika was one of the best friends he ever had in his life, together with his late one and Gon and Killua.

The guy deserved an apology.

He could only wish he'll be brave enough to actually pull it through.

* * * * *

"Is it even possible to reach a dead end in this place?!"

Illumi sighed and glanced back at his companion, who has been talking endlessly about how big and irritating the mansion was. The semi-dark, royal blue marble walls of the hallway did seem endless, and Hisoka also pointed out that their family had most probably stolen every piece of painting the world has to offer with their countless numbers.

"I wouldn't be caught dead living in this place. It would be good for a vacation spot, but to memorize this whole place is nearly impossible. I don't know how you weirdoes do it, but as far as I'm concerned, just being able to reach one end when you came from the other is utterly ridiculous."

Illumi rolled his eyes at the endless barrage of insults Hisoka was giving his house. Not that it really bothered him. It was just that there could be times that Hisoka would be so talkative. The magician would defend himself against it though, saying that Illumi was just saying that because the young assassin was just as talkative as a dead fish. 

"Are you sure they fully intended to welcome me here? Looks like they're trying to make me dizzy or insane or--"

"Hisoka?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

A second of silence passed them both, but quickly ended when Hisoka stepped in place to walk beside Illumi. "Well it _is_ annoying. Try asking a newcomer if you don't believe me. But then again, you people really don't accept visitors, do you?"

Illumi acknowledged the magician with all but a simple glance, before setting his eyes ahead again. He thought he heard Hisoka snort irately beside him, but he supposed he was used to the other man's constant ease in getting pissed off about something. In fact, he was used to a lot of Hisoka's habits. His habit of eating only what he wants and when he wants to, his constant killing sprees, even the guy's strong libido that seems to grow more and more stronger whenever they're in crowded places wherein any sexual activity would be limited. This certain habit would always have him end up in dark alleys and remote places just so the magician would satisfy his absurd interest in breaking the rules and not getting caught.

This last thought caused a small blush to creep up his cheeks. He had to shut his eyes and look away to keep these thoughts off, cursing himself for being careless enough to let them sink in. Or was it just because he was just spending too much time with this hentai beside him?

Hisoka seem to have seen the blush in the young assassin's face. This made him grin, a slightly diabolical one to add to that. Slender fingers slithered their way to the younger man's own, fighting against its momentary struggle beneath his ministrations. Of course, Hisoka had expected that glare that made his way towards him, but that wasn't enough to make him stop.

Unfortunately, there was one thing.

"Master Illumi?"

One thing Hisoka had learned, it was to never show any sign of affection in public whenever he's with Illumi. Sure, the boy can be quite submissive sometimes, but when he doesn't get what he wants when he's serious, it can be a real hell. Of course, that only increased the fun, but nevertheless, he didn't want to make his lover angry lest he really intends to be kicked out the next time he tries something that may ruin the young Zoldick.

Illumi gave him a warning glare before he nodded to the servant. Hisoka just shrugged, watching Illumi appreciatively behind his back before he followed him in one of the most glorious dining rooms he had ever come across in his life. But as soon as he laid eyes on the room, he caught sight of four familiar figures just seated on the long table, busy in their own talks.

Another grin. Well, guess this'll be more fun than he thought.

**End of chapter 4**


	5. Chapter 5: To Meet Again

** Mask of Innocence **

**Disclaimers: **Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi who had been my eternal mentor ever since the creation of YYH (yes, from all the brilliant manga authors out there, Togashi-sama will always be the #1 in my list *nod nod*). No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.  
**Notes:** Hm...I've been updating this fic far more than I update the others...wonder why ^_^' Anyway...er, ehehe, nothing much, I'm trying to keep all the characters in character these days because I seem to be getting the impression that they're not o.O Tell me if they're going off their railroads, okay? =^.^= 

** Chapter 5 - To Meet Again **

"Gaaah!!! What are YOU doing here?!" 

Killua's voice screeched through the dining hall, wide, cat-like eyes that resembled very much like his brother's own widened in evident shock. Thin brows furrowed into a glare, shooting the smug magician from across the table. However, Killua was left ignored as the older man sat himself beside _his_ brother, one hand with long, slender fingers coming up to take hold of Illumi's arm while he leaned closer. Too close for comfort in both Killua and Illumi's part. 

"My my, isn't that a very rude welcome?" asked Hisoka, who shifted his menacing gaze towards the younger Zoldick. His smirk turned into a more satisfied one when all Killua did was glare at him. He continued, "As far as I can remember, I was invited, wasn't I, Illumi-kun?" 

Gon, who sat beside Killua, looked up at his friend, who has already frozen in his place as he crouched on his chair. Killua indeed was too surprised to speak, only giving Illumi a doubtful glance, most probably searching for a sign of affirmation. Much as he didn't like looking or speaking or doing anything with his older brother, to have Hisoka beside him on the dinner table was just plain--strange. And unbelievable. 

Illumi gave the grinning magician a sidelong glare, pale lips forming a firm line. "Stop it, Hisoka," he warned, his voice trickling with venom. He may not be much of what others would call "caring" or "considerate"', but he is known for his protectiveness among his younger siblings. Hisoka settled that it must be because he was the eldest, but nevertheless, it was interesting seeing him like that. Though his concern for his brother was hidden beneath cold eyes, it was plainly obvious how much Killua meant to Illumi. 

He had often wondered about that, Illumi's relationship with Killua. Killua being the next heir is, as Hisoka sees it, a bit too disrespectful for Illumi's part in the family. For one thing, being the eldest, Hisoka had expected Illumi to at least fight for his right as the heir. But then again, who was he to say anything? Hell knows nobody understands how these people's minds work, so he decided that he should just leave Illumi be. After all, Illumi gets more free time that way. 

He thought it over. Yes, he definitely enjoys it more if Illumi's not too busy. That way, he can be busy with some other things that doesn't exactly pertain to family matters. Namely, him maybe? 

As for Illumi, he wasn't an idiot not to notice the way Hisoka was looking at him now, and how the magician's hand was trailing a bit too distractingly on his thigh. He cast him yet another glare. He earned himself a grin, but somehow had gotten rid of that impish hand away from himself, so he supposed it wasn't that bad. He'll have to talk to Hisoka about doing his moves when they're in his family's property though. 

"Aniki?" 

Killua's voice again ended Illumi's little staring game with Hisoka, as ink black eyes shifted their gaze from the magician's to the young, white-haired boy from across the table. High, slender brows rose in a look of question, asking Killua to go on with what he was supposed to say. 

The young boy looked away, still having a hard time looking into his brother's soulless eyes. He didn't know why, but nice as Illumi was to him, he just found him utterly scary. Or maybe it _was_ because he was nice when every once in a while, the young boy would see his brother kill so mercilessly. Maybe the concept of a kind assassin was a bit too strange for him. And now, looking at Hisoka, his view of his brother was getting weirder by the minute. 

"Anou," he started, eyes cast down to watch his fingers play around with the table cloth. He couldn't find the right words, so instead, he shut his eyes and blurted out, "Have you gone nuts or has this clown put you in some sort of spell!?" 

Silence reigned through the whole table. The servants that stood on the corners of the room tried not to show any sign of shock or emotion at Killua's little outburst, heads still while eyes roamed to look at their other master. Illumi though, was just still, blinking up at his younger brother with a confused look on his face. That is, if you call his expression confused. He still wore his icy gaze, but nevertheless, there was a hint of surprised in those cold black eyes. 

But what everyone didn't expect was what came next. Hisoka, from beside Illumi, burst out laughing. 

Illumi snapped out of his daze and glanced at Hisoka, giving him a questioning look. Hisoka, on his part, only regarded Illumi with a look, but still kept on laughing. 

Killua was in the verge of exploding. "What's so funny, you twisted psycho!?" he asked enraged. He would've pounced off his chair if not for Gon's hand that came up to grab his back shirt to settle him down. 

"Thanks, Gon-chan!" bade Hisoka, which only earned him yet another glare from the white-haired Zoldick. The magician shook his head, trying to stifle his laughter. He cleared his throat, then looked at Killua. "You should learn some manners, boy," he said, giving Killua a menacing look before turning to Illumi. "Aren't you going to defend me from your mean brother?" he asked playfully, leaning over yet again to look at Illumi, his finger clasping the younger man's sleeves. 

Killua was about to snap at Hisoka again but was stopped by his brother's voice. 

"Killua, Hisoka is my guest, so I expect you to respect him the way I'm respecting yours," Illumi said, his body characteristically still as he looked up at his anxious brother with nothing more than a blank look, nodding towards Gon, Leorio and Kurapika's directions to indicate the meaning in his statement. 

Killua just stared. "But--" 

"Killua." 

The young Zoldick frowned, the stern tone of his brother causing him to quiet down. Though still not fully convinced, he nonetheless went back to his seat with a stubborn pout, still glaring at Hisoka. Hisoka though, just grinned at him as if nothing had happened. 

"Ah! Oniisan! Killua! It's nice to see both home," came a voice from the other end of the table. Sure enough, the huge frame that was Miruki emerged from the doors as he pulled a seat beside Hisoka, nodding once to the magician to acknowledge his presence. He then turned to Illumi. "So, what's this about you not wanting to go home? Getting influenced by our baby brother, I suppose?" 

Killua snorted, still avoiding Illumi, Hisoka and Miruki's gazes. As for Illumi, he merely looked at Miruki, his lips closed and silent. 

Hisoka though, decided to speak. "Killua-kun has nothing to do with this, I assure you. Illumi's just getting bored," he said, as if it was the most common thing to say inside the premises that was the Zoldick mansion, wherein even the slightest mistake of the tongue can lead to an unspeakable amount of torture. Hisoka knew all these of course, but he still went on anyway. "Maybe he found something else to take his interest on." 

Miruki, who didn't see the sharp glare Illumi was casting Hisoka, nor the shaking hand that was clasped against the magician's own under the table, merely looked at Hisoka, quite intrigued. "Really? And what may that be, dear brother?" he asked playfully, looking at Illumi this time. 

Illumi shifted his gaze from Hisoka to Miruki. "It's nothing, Miruki. Take your seat," he said simply, nodding at the seat beside Hisoka that was already pulled back. Miruki just shrugged, obeying. 

Hisoka smirked, his thumb stroking Illumi's from underneath the table. Whether he intended it as something thoughtful or playful, even he himself didn't know. He checked the table occupants to see if they were looking, and when satisfied that they weren't, he pulled Illumi closer. He leaned himself in, his lips close to Illumi's ear. "You're too uptight, koi, loosen up." 

Illumi jerked away slightly, putting at least a decent amount of inches between himself and the magician. Whether he reacted because of the way Hisoka had addressed him or how his heated breathe felt like in his ear, he didn't know. But still, it earned the magician an uneasy glare from the assassin. "Shut up, Hisoka." 

Hisoka shook his head, quite amused. He moved away, but still retained his hand as his grip tightened on the young assassin's. He didn't miss the look Killua was giving him of course, and good-naturedly, or playfully, whichever way one would put it, he grinned at the young boy and held up a peace sign. 

**End of Chapter 5**


	6. Chapter 6: Walls of the Past

** Mask of Innocence **

** Disclaimers: ** Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.  
**Notes:** Now I lack updates. I don't know how my schedule goes, but hell, it's annoying, isn't it? Sorry for the late update. I partially fulfilled my promise to the SD fans and worked on their share of my fanfics, but now I seem to have neglected this one this time *apologetic bow* I promise to work on this one again. 

** Chapter 6 - Walls of the Past **

The dim light of the small blue diamond earring sparkled in the darkness of dawn. The ethereal glow matched the grace that the thin curtains danced from right in front of him. The windows were open, accommodating enough sunlight to dimly light up the majestic room. He had opened them last night, when he found that the evening air in the height from which the mansion was placed was unbelievably soothing, and that the blankets were thick enough to keep him warm when it gets too cold anyway. 

A small sigh escaped him, arms and legs limp. He sat cross-legged in his bed after he woke up, not finding it in himself to walk out the door to check on everybody else. He knew it was still too early, judging from the small rays of the sun that peeked inside his room. Maybe the others were still asleep, and he did not want to bother them. 

That was when he found himself unconsciously reaching out to hold the small earring between two fingers, toying with it, as if trying to memorize its shape. A few moments passed and he realized that he had pulled it off his ear, as it now lay unmoving in his palms. 

He felt the sharp sting of upcoming tears just looking at it. Memories of his past, all his barriers, all the walls that he had put around himself that kept him from falling all crumbled to the ground, leaving him defenseless. For once, behind the curtains of the four-poster bed, he entrusted his whole being, his dignity. 

He let the tears fall. 

For his family. His friends. Everybody. 

He did not trust anybody to understand his pain. Not everybody knew how close his clan was, how tight their bond. Nobody knew about their fears, their tragedies, nor did anybody know about how much they had suffered from those who sought them out. Nobody can understand, because everybody did not give them a second glance, only seeing them as priceless jewels who held eyes that were gold placed in glass jars. 

He opened his eyes despite how much he tried to hide the tears. He glanced back at the small diamond earring, finding his own small reflection in the metal clasp that held it. The metal itself glowed the intense fire of crimson, mirroring his own eyes. For minutes, he found himself engaged in a staring game, him against himself that was engraved in the smooth surface of the metal clasp. 

Those eyes. Those scarlet eyes that glowed what supposed to be one of the most beautiful colors in the world. They were the reason why he had lost everything. 

Bursting into a silent rage, he shut his eyes closed again, refusing to look at them in their scarlet state. He closed his hand into a fist, not caring if the sharpness of the small gem pierced through his skin like a knife. To him, the pain was actually soothing, making him forget the other pain that tried to suffocate him inside his chest; the pain that trapped his heart. 

He found himself falling back on the bed, with the chains attached in his other hand jingling against each other. Tears were flowing uncontrollably now, the sound of the chains just intensifying his rage. 

Why was he crying, one might ask? Because it was painful. Because he was angry. Because he was hurting, and he felt as if he was alone. No. He _knew_, in his heart, he was alone. Despite everything, despite his friends' kindness, they did not know who he was. 

Why was he alive to begin with? Was this a way for the gods to mock him? Why did those bastards who killed everybody leave him out? Why didn't he just die with everyone else? Maybe if he did, he'll still be with them in a much more better place than the world that considered them not as humans but as priceless jewels. 

Another tear. And another. He lost count. 

"Why?" 

* * * * * 

Leorio found himself outside the doors of what was supposed to be Kurapika's room. Why he was there at such an ungodly early hour, he did not know. All he knew was that he wasn't able to sleep last night. He supposed the mention of the younger boy's name would be unnecessary, he knew fully well who occupied his mind ever since they decided to leave for Killua's house anyway. 

He sighed. He knew he shouldn't be doing this. It was too early, and the sun had barely risen. He knew Kurapika did not want to be disturbed, more than anything else. But he also knew that he had to reassure himself of something, something he still could not quite grab what. He thought that maybe if he could just see him, even just for a second, the feeling would subside and he'll be given enough peace to help him sleep. 

"Just a small peek, and I'll leave," he said, to try and explain himself to no one in particular. 

Thus being settled, he took a deep breath and held the knob. Part of him knew this was a grave sin, to disturb Kurapika at so early in the morning, and he almost wished that Kurapika had remembered to lock the door. 

But the boy did not, and Leorio knew he can't go back now that he took the first step. Bracing himself, he pushed open the almost heavy door, eyes darting quickly to scan for the bed. Finding what he was looking for, and seeing the small silhouette of Kurapika's frame dancing in the shadows, he knew he had seen enough and that he must go back. But just before he could turn back, a small sound betrayed the silence. 

He stopped. 

It was a sob. 

Confused and disbelieving what he had just heard, he turned back to check the room again. It took him quite a few moments to notice the small movements that the shadow emitted behind the thin curtains of the bed. 

_ Is he awake? _ he asked himself, taking an uneasy step inside. _More importantly, is he all right?_

Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe Kurapika would not appreciate him meddling into his businesses. Because surely, the young boy didn't want anybody to know his problems, least of all to try and seek someone else's help. He was always like that. 

But it was too late to think of that now. He was now standing a few inches away from the bed, close enough for him to make out Kurapika's form. The young man had his back to him, and his shoulders shook violently. He was crying, that he was sure of now. Though why Kurapika, of all people, was doing so remained to him a mystery. 

Reaching out to take a hold of the curtain to part it, he could only pray that Kurapika would let him in. Even just this once. 

* * * * * 

Tearful eyes opened slowly, the sobs subsiding for now. He felt small movements behind him, and as reflex, he turned back to see who it was. 

His eyes widened. 

"L-Leorio?" 

The older man nodded once, eyes cast down, as if he couldn't find it in himself to look at him. 

His momentary shock was now replaced by rage. Thin eyebrows furrowed into a glare, his eyes shining through the darkness of the room. His right hand came up to wipe the tears away, now pulling himself up to catch the other's eyes. "What are you doing here!?" he asked, sitting up to push Leorio away from his bed. He had not meant to be so forceful when he did it, but the anger and frustration from a while ago, with the discomfort and shame he now felt for being seen the way he was, all added up to make him feel so violent. 

Leorio found himself off balanced for a while. After finding his footing though, he was thrown off again by an enraged Kurapika, his eyes reflecting anger. But what caught him the most was those eyes of fiery red were now tearing up yet again, and even amidst the painful words that Kurapika was giving him, the young boy was crying. 

Not knowing what else to do, he held up both hands to catch Kurapika's to at least stop his outburst. He was definitely stronger than the other when it comes to physical strength, and he was easily able to hold Kurapika still. The young man struggled for him to let go, hissing under his breath, yet was forced back to sit on the bed by the strong arms that held him. 

"Kurapika, calm down!" shouted Leorio, breaking through the other boy's voice of protests. The older man's hand came up to the other's shoulders, trying to shake him awake. 

The youth's words died down in his lips, and the hands that tried to hit the doctor earlier fell limp on the other's wrists. His head fell down, shoulder shaking uncontrollably from the new tears. Much as he tried to stop, much as he tried to put up the exterior he was supposed to have, he could not stop the tears. No matter how much he cursed them away, they still came back to the river that now flowed down his cheeks. 

Brown eyes softened as they gazed down at his friend. One hand came up to cup the other's cheek, vainly wiping away the tears that stained their warmth. "What's wrong?" he asked, bending down to catch the boy's eyes. But he refused to look back, eyes tightly shut, tears after new tears coming down. 

"It hurts," was all the young one said, his head shaking as if he refused to say anything more. 

What was wrong with him? Kurapika was never like this. Despite how young he was, he was the most mature among all four of them. In fact, he was more mature than any other person he knew. To see the young one cry like this was most probably the last thing Leorio would ever imagine. But it was happening despite his attempts to deny what he was seeing. Kurapika, the one so strong, the one who's seen almost always quiet and detached, was breaking down. 

"What's wrong? What hurts?" he asked, almost desperately. 

Not finding the answers to his questions, nor the things he tried to seek out, Leorio came up to pull Kurapika to him despite how much his mind debated against it. Least to say, he wouldn't be surprised if Kurapika would struggle away and throw him out of his room. 

But none of those came about. Instead, the young boy's sobs increased, and the violence from which he shook under his arms was gravely disturbing the doctor. He felt his own hands shaking. He was afraid. The strongest person he had ever come to know was now in his arms, crying like a small child, holding unto him as if he'd get lost if he let go. 

Knowing that he won't get any response from the other boy, he decided to just stay and keep quiet. He was afraid to break the moment, afraid that if Kurapika would wake up to be himself again, he'll reject him. Like he always does. 

Laying his head on the other boy's own, he closed his eyes, pushing away the sounds of the other's sobs. He sought him for comfort, like he wont to do when things get too complicated, and pretended as if he did not hear anything. The pain of his concern for the young Kuruta was obviously too much, already to a fault. He had nothing else to do but to hold him, whispering words of comfort he doubted would even reach the other's ears. 

Minutes passed and the sobs died down. Leorio felt Kurapika grow limp, the signs of steady breathing evident. He was asleep. 

Leorio watched in silence as the boy slept, head resting on his chest. A hand unconsciously came up to wipe away the tears that blemished the boy's cheeks, then moved to fix the hair that clung to face. His working hand then came down to fix the collar of Kurapika's night clothes, putting back the button that somehow came undone and dusted off the creases of his sleeves. But while doing so, his eyes ran across a stain that gravely caught his attention. 

Blood. 

Looking around, there already was enough sunlight to aid his sight. True enough, the red stains that were scattered across the bed, and both his and Kurapika's clothes, were blood. Confused as to where they could have come from, he looked down at the young boy, his eyes scanning his sleeping form, stopping momentarily at the closed fist of his left hand. 

His free hand came down to hold the other's fist, opening them gently. He frowned. Deep cuts wounded the delicate flesh, blood still flowing from some of them. And amidst all these, a small, and very familiar gem met his gaze. The blood clothed it enough to make it almost red itself, making it lose its sparkle. Leorio picked it up between two fingers, staring at it before placing the cursed object inside his pocket. Using his sleeves, thankful now that they were longer than needed, he clothed Kurapika's bleeding hand in his own. 

Slipping out of the curtained bed, he stood up, the small frame of the young boy cradled in his arms. The bed was too stained for Kurapika to sleep in, and he decided to just give him his room. His insomnia just became worse anyway, and he did not feel like sleeping. 

Stopping first to take a new set of clothes for Kurapika to wear when he wakes up--knowing that the other won't appreciate him doing it himself--he opened the door carefully lest he drop his precious load. He slipped outside, making his way towards his own room, reminding himself to call in any awake servant to clean up Kurapika's. 

Outside the curtained windows, the sun has already risen. The sky was clear of any clouds, and the birds have started to sing their daily songs. But all remained ignored as the worried doctor watched over his best friend, rolling the bandage between the younger one's delicate fingers. 

Silently, oblivious to everything else, the young Kuruta slept. Peace reigned his dreams, from a touch alien yet comforting, his slumber unmarred by nightmares for the first time in years. 

** End of Chapter 6 **

** A/N: **   
Whew! Took longer than I thought! About Kurapika-sama's earring, I don't know if it has any significance at all, but oh well, this is a fanfic anyway, ne? ^_^ 

- Cherrie (http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama) 


	7. Chapter 7: Secrets and Words

** Mask of Innocence **

**Disclaimers: **Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.  
**Notes:** Two chapters in one day ^_^ Make-up chapter for not being able to update more often than I should. 

** Chapter 7 - Words and Secrets **

"...And I will not tolerate you getting into your intimate practices here in my house, especially not when Killua or Miruki or any member of my family or household is present. And I want you to stay away from Miruki, he won't be much a good companion for you. Do not, I repeat, do _not_ even dare to harm Karuto, I will never forgive you. And do _not_ piss Killua off, lest you want to be decapitated..." 

Hisoka merely nodded his head for the umpteenth time. Frankly, he can't understand why Illumi was being so uptight, all he did was but a few minor teases here and there. And was it his fault he found Illumi sexy? That the younger boy was too beautiful for his own good sometimes and he couldn't help wanting to reach out for him? No, he was free from that crime, it wasn't as if it was he himself who fixes what Illumi wears or how Illumi moves. Not that he found anything wrong with that either, it was actually a very interesting thought.

As for Killua, he's being such a sharp-tongued brat who obviously hates him, and Hisoka need not search for any more reason to not fool around with the boy. It was gravely tempting to do so, especially when there was Gon. Oh, and Kurapika as well, and even that other guy, Leorio was it? Yes, definitely been a while since he got into those young-ones' blood pressures. 

He sighed, trying not to feel bored at the authoritative tone Illumi had in him. His eyes darted out of the small gazebo to rest upon the warm grass of the vast gardens. He then watched the leaves of the vines that clung to the marble pillars sway with the gentle winds. It was funny really, he never would've thought he would appreciate such simple things. He was almost always preoccupied with something else that he had come to neglect such little wonders to the eyes. Even the flowers have started to catch his attention. 

_Oh hell. I'm really getting _very _soft, _he told himself, wincing slightly. 

He shook his head, only a small movement that he doubted if Illumi even caught it. One side of his lips tugged in a smile of dismissal, closing his eyes to look away from the absurdity from which his thoughts had just recently wandered to. An arm came up from its crossed position with the other to put a supporting finger on his temples, easing the momentary blur that just came up. 

"Hisoka." 

It took him a few seconds to open his eyes and acknowledge the young man in front of him. And by the time he did, Illumi was glaring. 

"Have you been listening to anything I was trying to tell you?" he asked irately, obviously not amused as Hisoka was. Unfortunately for him, the magician just shrugged and swayed his hand around. 

Hisoka turned his back and started walking out of the gazebo. "Yes, of course, Illumi-kun. I'm not allowed to touch your baby brothers or sister, not allowed to play around with your household servants, my mouth should be zipped at almost all times, no jokes, no tricks, no sex..." he paused, then turned back. "Are you _sure_ about that 'no sex' thing? That's very hard to do considering the fact that---" 

"Enough!" 

Illumi heaved a gruff sigh a slipped past Hisoka, inevitably brushing his shoulders roughly with the other's own since Hisoka was positioned almost blocking the opening of the gazebo. He ignored the constant tingling of clothed skin against clothed skin. He still didn't understand why a person such as Hisoka could ever force certain reactions from him that he couldn't control. He was only thankful that he has been trained to hide feelings and emotions, lest he would risk letting the magician know his state and risk letting him use that weakness to his advantage. 

"Look, if you're so pissed with me, why did you even invite me here?" came the voice from behind him, making him stop in his tracks. 

Illumi's head shifted to one side, glancing back at Hisoka over his shoulder. He bit his lip once, willing himself to search for the right words to say. Finding only jumbled words with unintelligible meanings, he shook his head. "I'm not _pissed_," he started, echoing Hisoka's words, still figuring out what else to say. "And I invited you here because..." 

What? Why _did_ he ask Hisoka to come with him? Remembering Miruki's phone call, and how his very own words and confessions surprised even him, he found himself even more confused. Why did he change from being a silent, uncaring loner to this just as silent yet softening young male that momentarily just scolded the magician with words that more than reached their small-numbered limits. 

He frowned, black, cat-like eyes shifting to the swaying flowers beside the staircase. He could feel the piercing eyes that held him in his place, feeling them see more than what he intended to show. And deep in his mind he knew why, yet until now he still could not accept it. 

_ I don't want to be away from him again. _

But amidst all these clouded faults he found in himself--because truly, the way he felt for the magician _was_ a fault--the voice yet again pulled him back to where he left off. 

"Because what, Illumi?" Hisoka asked, voice void of any teases or of any sort. 

Dark eyes furrowed into a glare, directed to who or what, he did not know. Giving Hisoka one last look, he turned his head and continued walking back to the mansion. No words were needed to be said nor explained. It can't be true. None of it is. After a few weeks, or as given with his father's permission, Hisoka shall leave the premises of their territory. And as for him, as a member of the family, he shall stay and go on with his duties as before. Both he and Killua will. No more protests, no more questions or considerations. 

And he's not dreading it. He must not. He refused to yield to the sudden ache that rose up from him just thinking about it. He cursed himself, his body, for surrendering to the magician's ministrations from the very start. Maybe if they hadn't met, maybe if he didn't take that accursed walk in the city, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe he'd still be himself, and Hisoka...he'll remain nothing more than a man he admired, a man who asks for his services like all of his clients do. 

Unknown to the retreating Zoldick member, a sigh escaped Hisoka's lips. Eyes closed to ease him from the thick tension that just came about between himself and Illumi, willing himself to stop trying to steal glances of Illumi walking away from him. Had he really meant to insult him, or least to say force him to say things he would not normally admit even to himself? 

He didn't know. Maybe because he needed reassurance. Sure as he may be that Illumi wanted him as much as he wanted him, he realized that there was something more he wanted to be sure of. He had wanted Illumi to the point of obsession, almost always trying to search for him in every corner of the mansion even if the very structure made him dizzy just with the size of it. What started out as an experiment, a game, turned out to be more complicated than he had thought. 

Glancing back only to see that the garden was already empty, he walked back further inside the fairly small gazebo and sat himself on one of the marble rails. The winds blew at him gently, easing his face from the strands of hair that made their way to shield his eyes. But none of it, not the wind, the flowers, nor the sun, could ever ease the heaviness that made its way inside of him. 

** End of Chapter 7 **

** A/N:**  
Ai-ya...Hisoka-sama's getting soft AND out of character . Is he? Is he, is he? *looks around desperately* If he is, then I must do something to put him back to how he is! Or at least, somewhat how he is with Illumi-sama around. Comments for this chapter will be VERY appreciated! . 

- Cherrie (http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama) 


	8. Chapter 8: Changes

**Mask of Innocence**

**Disclaimers: **Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.  
**Notes:** Again, sorry for the late update. I think you people are tired of my excuses already, so now, I'll just settle for an apology. I'm so sorry, I hope everyone would understand that school is going on *sighs*. I really can't find the needed time for all my fanfics. But anyway, I'd like to thank Hozumi Goda-sama for being Leorio's voice actor (I'm VERY in love with Leorio now!!! *hearts popping out*), and I dedicate this chapter especially for him! *swoons* Shounen ai alert, I'm still not sure with Gon and Killua though. Maybe I should just leave them be...but I just might change my mind. Like I always do =P

**Chapter 8 - Changes**

The sun proudly smiled above the blue skies, with no clouds to limit its intensity. Its warmth spread across the vast gardens of the Zoldick mansion, in tune with the gentle breeze that would constantly blow through the magnificent vegetation, past his hair and clothes, tickling the skins of his cheeks and arms and legs.

It's already been a week since he and his friends had stayed with Killua in their home. Though there would be times when he would notice that something's bothering two of his friends, he's now happy to say that the problem, whatever it was, had somehow passed. During the first parts of their trip, he had noticed that those two were being too quiet. Not that silence wasn't Kurapika's style though. What bothered him with his older friend was that his movements, supposedly done with a certain kind of grace and confidence, became somehow fidgety, if not unguarded and clumsy. He would always look at Leorio in a way that he had never seen the golden haired boy look at the older man before, least to say looked at anybody at all.

As for Leorio, his silence had been unnerving. Even though he would still be himself at times and smile and joke around with them, he supposed that he just felt a certain kind of stirring inside the doctor. There was a kind of uneasiness that bothered the older man. And the very fact that he didn't seem to want to be near the one who was supposed to be his best friend at the moment was not at all helping.

Gon sighed, a small smile playing on his young lips. But everything's okay now. He didn't know what happened, but right after that day when Kurapika suddenly disappeared from his room, and right after they found out that Leorio's door had been locked the whole morning 'till the middle of the afternoon then, everything changed. Or as he might say, everything went back to normal. If possible, things had been better. Leorio and Kurapika were talking again, and if only he didn't doubt it, he could see a new emotion building behind the eyes of the two. A sense of completeness and satisfaction. Though why it had suddenly come about, he did not know for sure.

Leaning his chin on the hands that rested on the wooden window, he grinned, thoughts drifting to Killua. He wondered if anything of the sort would happen between them. As far as he could remember, he had never fought with the young boy, maybe a few insults here and there, but that's different. Killua once told him before that Kurapika was too serious for his and Leorio's own good. He couldn't exactly remember the words, but he supposed that that was how it had meant. He and Killua on the other hand, were open and at ease with each other.

That was why Gon loved Killua dearly. Though many people would say that he loved practically everybody, which was true, he could safely say that Killua was special to him. He always had friends, but his attachment to Killua was different from the friendships he's had before. Which was why, at times, it would always scare him to even think about the possibility that he and Killua would be parting someday. He knew that Killua has a future in his family, and that the boy was obliged to be what his family asks him to be. But never did Gon really accept the notion that he might just lose Killua because of that.

The smile that played on the young boy's lips drifted elsewhere, a frown marring his child's face. He hesitantly glanced over the heavy doors just a few feet beside him that served as a barrier between him and his friend. He was waiting for Killua actually. His light-haired best friend had been called by his father, saying that they have to talk about something. Gon had decided to wait outside the room. But he can't help but wonder what they were talking about.

As if on cue, the knob from inside the heavy doors sounded. One door then opened, revealing a familiar frame. Gon smiled again, his previous thoughts forgotten momentarily as he approached Killua. "What took you so long?" came his bright question.

But without word nor warning, a light body launched itself at him, trapping him in a tight hold. Brown eyes widened at the sudden action, his only reflex was to lift his arms to rest them on the small body that was strongly pressed up on his, a worried expression crossing him. Uneasily, he finally voiced out, "Killua?"

Killua didn't move, but Gon could feel the other boy's face on his neck, his breath sweeping through his skin as he replied. "Gon?" was his first call. Was it just him, or did that voice just tremble? "No matter what happens, I'll still be your friend, right?"

Gon blinked. _Huh?_

Confused, the dark-haired boy pulled away, holding Killua's wrists as he guided them away from his shoulders. "What are you talking about?" he asked, not able to hide his worry.

Killua merely shook his head. "You'll still be my best friend, right?" came the insistent question, wide, cat-like eyes meeting his in an almost desperate gaze. "Even if I'm far away, even if we're not together, nothing will change, right? We'll still be friends?"

Gon blinked again. "Far away? Not together? Killua, what are you talking about?"

"Answer me!"

Tears. Killua...tears were threatening to fall from his eyes.

Gon was in near panic. He didn't know what to do. What was wrong? Why was Killua acting like this? He had always remembered Killua as someone who's always happy and filled with life. Never had he seen his friend like this, desperate and miserable, as if the whole world was just about to crash down on him. "O-of course, Killua," he finally said, hoping that it could ease his friend somewhat.

"Always?" asked the other boy, pressing the matter.

Gon need not think about his reply. Without missing a beat, he nodded.

Killua, again, had him in a fierce hold not a split second after he had nodded. But before the boy had done so, Gon could've sworn he saw relief flood through Killua's face. He could feel Killua smiling behind him, and he could feel those arms tightening around him, as if he would go away if the hold wouldn't be strong enough.

Slowly, if not warily, his own arms snaked around Killua to return the hug loosely. No more smiles, and he closed his eyes, feeling the silent beat of Killua's heart over his. Something wasn't right, he could feel it. He could feel it in Killua's shaking form, he could feel it from the memory of his voice just a few minutes ago.

Turning his head to look at Killua, though failing, he knotted his dark brows in a more concerned expression. But heedless of what he felt, all he could think about now was that he must comfort Killua. The boy didn't seem to be planning to talk, so Gon had kept the silence between them if that was what Killua wanted. Pushing back his questions for later, he sighed, leaned his head on his friend's shoulder, and prayed that it was enough to calm Killua's maddened heart.

* * * * *

The soft clink of glass against marble sounded through with the light winds that circled about him. The sweet taste of the beautifully red liquid soothed his thirst. He had finished the whole glass in one gulp, and now he was pouring himself yet another serving.

But his companion didn't seem to share his fondness for the drink. The younger boy's glass remained untouched, the small signs of dew touching the smooth outside surfaces. Fogged blue eyes just stared at it, the expression unreadable. But nevertheless, the pale boy sat there as if the innocent juice would swallow him alive, as if he wouldn't dare touch it at all.

Setting down the pitcher beside his own glass, the sweetness forgotten, Leorio spoke. "Kurapika?" he called the boy across from him, gazing down at him through slightly covered eyes. "Anything wrong?"

But the boy remained still, his disturbing staring game with his glass still ensuing. Even the small treats on his small platter remained untouched.

Leorio frowned. "Kurapika," he called again. Not receiving the recognition that he wanted, he sighed and stood up. Leaning on the table for support, he waved a shaking hand in front of the other boy's eyes, meaning to wake him up from his daze. And finally, after a few seconds of waving and snapping his fingers, Kurapika's eyes widened, shifting his clouded vision to the worried man in front of him.

"L-Leorio," he muttered out, coming back to the real world finally.

The frown that marred the doctor's face didn't leave him. "What's wrong?" he asked, repeating his last question.

But only broken thoughts circled around Kurapika's head.

Eyes. Death. Pains. Blood. Vengeance.

Kurapika bent his head down, not looking at the other's eyes. But he could still feel the other's gaze, studying him, persisting, his question left hanging, unanswered. He had promised himself that he would be more open to Leorio, that he owed them both that much after all that has happened. But still, there were times that he would feel that the very act of opening himself up was too difficult, considering that he wasn't much of the kind who'd open up so easily.

But that was when he realized that he wasn't the only one that was like that. Frowning, he stole a glance of Leorio across from him. Like himself, the doctor hasn't opened up much himself, has he? They both know Gon and Killua, but not themselves. Ironic.

Leorio noticed that the expression on Kurapika's face has changed. He blinked. He was about to ask again if something was bothering the younger boy, but he beat him to it. 

"Leorio--"

"Master Leorio? Master Kurapika?"

Both frames stiffened at the sound of the third voice. Brown and blue eyes alike turned to the direction from which the voice had come from, the words and questions left hanging around them. The thickness of the tension around them wasn't helped by the presence of the well-suited servant, looking at them with the cold, passive expression most of the people in the mansion wore.

"Master Sillva would like to have a word with you," he told them, eyeing them blankly.

The only movement between the other two though was a slight shifting of the head, one looking at the other. For a few moments they remained as that. Neither of them knew if they should say anything, or stand up and follow the older man.

It was Kurapika who broke away. The young boy sighed. "We should go," he said wearily, pushing back his seat to stand up.

Leorio watched wordlessly as Kurapika walked away towards the servant. Words were exchanged, unheard by the doctor though, but he could hardly care. Various thoughts circled around his head. What was happening between him and Kurapika anyway? Was he right in saying that things had finally changed for the better? What fool he seemed to be to actually think that Kurapika would trust him as much. It only seemed like they were back to square one.

But further thoughts left him as a soft warmth crept itself in his hand. Blinking himself back to reality, he was then met by the most beautiful pair of smiling blue eyes, looking up at him with an unreadable expression, yet not exactly negatively. Confused by the sudden action, Leorio blinked again. "Ku-Kurapika?"

"I told the man to just wait for us at the front door," he said. The hand that was distinctly Kurapika's tightened its hold, the smile not leaving the other boy. "We should go," he said again, pulling the doctor gently to get a move on.

Dismissing past thoughts in the back of his mind, Leorio finally decided to smile. He and Kurapika may not be as close as he wanted them to be, but nevertheless, this closeness, this intimacy, it could be enough. Looking at Kurapika now, his eyes gazing up at him with no less than trust and a special recognition for him, he could feel his own emotions welling up inside of him. He was wrong. Kurapika did trust him. 

"Suki da, Kurapika," he said, almost unconsciously. But he didn't regret the words even if they surprised even himself. After all, there's nothing to regret if what you said was true. And the innocent redness that spread across the perfect pale porcelain that was Kurapika's cheeks was priceless. Leorio reminded himself to say that more often. He let out a small chuckle. "You're right, let's go," he said, pulling away from the beautiful youth.

As for Kurapika, though still half-consciously dwelling on those words, he snapped awake. He watched silently as Leorio walked away, only to turn around and eye him expectantly, as if calling for him to come to him. Sighing, he shook his head, and much as he tried to suppress it, the small growing grin on his face betrayed his serious expression. Soon, he was on his feet, beside the older man, his smile never as sincere nor as unmarred as they had ever been.

Maybe this could work out. Even if secrets were still kept, he believed his rare optimism for once, he knew that Leorio would never hurt him. And he had firmly told himself that he will never hurt him in any way as he had done once before. No more pain. For Leorio, for both of them.

He looked up at Leorio. _Thank you, _were the unsaid words, still not finding the courage to say it out loud. But that, like everything else, will come out sooner or later. Because now, after years of loneliness and meaningless existence, he finally had faith in something once again. His obsession for revenge was not anymore the reason why he was alive.

**End of Chapter 8**

_Suki da - _I like you

**A/N:**   
*still swooning* Leorio-sama, be mine, be mine~!!! *hearts popping out, hugging a Leorio plushy* (Hai! Baka Che-chan had done this chapter while listening to Leorio-sama sing with Kurapika-sama!) So I guess that explains the *cough* waff *cough* in this chapter between them. 

Oh, and another thing. Can somebody please send me the translations of Tobira? If someone has it, please please do share, I'll beg if I have to!!!

As for Gon and Killua...I'm still not sure if I should add a few hints of Gon/Killua. Ehehe...if there is in this chapter, ehe, go judge for yourself, okay? ^_^' Thank you for reading!

And lastly, to Nikki-sama, Assassin for a Lover was great! *bows gratefully* I hope you get to make more fanfics like that in the future. Neeee...Kurapika/Leorio, please?? *puppy dog eyes* I'll be your slave forever!

-Cherrie (http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama)


	9. Chapter 9: Nightly Rounds

**Mask of Innocence**

**Disclaimers: **Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.  
**Notes:** Er...no notes right now. I'm still in love with Leorio-sama! *gets hit with a flying chair* Ehehe! Am I being too persistent with it? ^_^'

**Chapter 9 - Nightly Rounds**

Soft dark hair moved silkily through the fine brush, the smoothness of the handle easing his shaking fingers as he dully worked his way through his fine mane. But the beauty that he would always find in easing the non-existent tangles of his hair strangely wasn't with him that night, as he remained unmoved by the very ritual that he does before he went to bed. Blank eyes of pure ebony stared listlessly at the other things he had on his night table, but he didn't find it in himself to recognize them as things he owned.

He sighed, finally setting the brush down. But he remained seated on his bed, his eyes still staring into space, as if he didn't see anything. Only the stern face of his father and his authoritative voice existed in his head. And the expression on Killua's face; he knew that if only he was a bit more expressive, his and the younger boy's expressions would've been like mirrors for each other's own.

"Oniisama?"

A small voice. Unlike everything else, that small thing miraculously found itself inside his dazed mind. Illumi found himself moving to look up to where the voice had come from. Settling his gaze on the narrow crack by his door, he found himself looking into big, dark eyes, their blankness reflecting the child-like innocence as they looked up at him as if in fear.

If it was only possible for his emotionless face, his expression would've softened. "Karuto," he found himself saying.

The young girl nodded her head, daring to push the door more openly. She waited for her brother's consent, and was awarded soon as Illumi nodded his head. She approached him, giving him and herself a few feet of space as she looked up at him. But no words left her, and the young girl looked down at her hands as her fingers laced around each other, fidgeting in the hem of her sleeves.

Seeing that his younger sister wasn't able to speak, Illumi took the initiative. "What is it?" he asked her, his form still straight and poised as he sat in place.

Though Karuto has always been a girl of a much similar poise if not more, it was obvious that her shoulder shook beneath the dimness of the room. Confused, Illumi bent down to at least try and meet the girl's gaze when he received no response. It wasn't everyday that he would speak with his sister, so he didn't know how to approach her. In fact, they hardly speak at all. He would always be out working and she will always be with their mother, staying with her or studying with her. His only connection with Karuto was that they were of the same family, but everything just stops there. Every once in a while, they'll interact, even help each other, but they're all very formal.

"Anou...oniisama?" came the small voice finally, her pale face looking up to him now as she stood her ground. The blank expression that had been the trademark of most members of their family didn't seem to grace the girl that night, for a look of uncertainty tainted the pale prettiness of her child's face. Was that fear? Or maybe it was something else...

Was that worry?

"Are you all right?" Maybe most people won't expect him to ask that. Maybe most people would expect him to raise a cold brow towards his sister, and shun her until she miserably walks out of his room for disturbing him. Maybe most people would expect him not to care.

But who ever said that the majority is always right?

Karuto didn't seem to expect that question though. If possible, she grew more nervous after she saw the look of concern painted on her brother's face. Maybe it was because she never saw him show much emotion, he didn't know. It's not like Karuto ever showed any expression at all herself, this was actually the first time he saw her like this. Only now did he remember that Karuto was just a small girl, a few years younger than Killua. Her innocence was visible in all its glory to him now.

"About...Hisoka-san," she started hesitantly. Her voice dropped in volume when she spoke that last name, as if she'll receive a blow from her brother just by saying it. And sure enough, her gaze dropped to the floor once again.

If one would be keen enough to see it, a thin brow rose from cat-like eyes in a sign of query. Just as hesitantly, he spoke. "What about him?" he asked her, keeping his voice leveled despite the growing fear in him. Did Karuto suspect anything?

Maybe he was wrong to use such a cold tone. He regretted using it at all when he saw the young girl shake beneath his gaze, hiding herself from his piercing eyes, like a snail hiding in its shell.

But Karuto was determined, whatever her purpose was. She remained in her place. Even if her responses were slow and hesitant, she still found a way to speak them out. "What is he to you?" she asked, finally daring to look up and meet his gaze again. Illumi's eyes still scared her, but she knew that people wouldn't take her seriously if she wouldn't look them in the eye. These words were the very words she had learned from Illumi himself, at the time she had accidentally heard him scolding her other brother, Killua. And ever since then, every time she could catch them, she would make it a point to listen, risking being caught just to hear her eldest brother's words. She may not be close to him, but she respected him as much as she respected her father and grandfathers, and she knew from the very day she was born that she had a great brother to look up to.

She supposed that that was the reason why she came here in the first place. To see if she can still find the great brother she knew she has. "I've seen you with him..." she continued quietly. "Is he...is he your friend, like Gon is Killua's friend?" she asked him, her voice trembling.

Illumi didn't know how to answer these questions. But why was Karuto asking him these in the first place? "Why are you interested?" he asked back, still not knowing if he should answer at all. Much as he cared for his sister, he suppose that it was just natural to act this coldly. He was known for it anyway.

Karuto frowned. "It's just that...Gon once took Killua away from us," she answered. "What if...what if your friend would take you away as well?"

A sob.

"Miruki told me that you didn't want to come home. He said that you didn't care about the family anymore, like Killua never cared. He said that I should stay away from you because you will leave us. I never listened to Miruki, but--"

Yes. Karuto was definitely crying now.

"Who told you to believe him?" answered Illumi. He only watched her cry, but deep inside he was near panic. He couldn't stand seeing her like that. Where was the cold child that he knew? Where was the Karuto that he knew?

"I've seen you with him! You were never close to anybody, that's why outosama and ojiisama trusted you. And you always did everything right. But if you would act like Killua--"

She broke off right there. She sobbed again. "You will leave us like he will."

Illumi was dumb-founded. Just a few minutes ago, he had known Karuto to be this young girl who barely knew him, least of all cared for him. It was a wonder how a few tears could change his view of her that lasted for all these years.

Confused and not knowing what he should do, Illumi settled in resting a hand on the young girl's head. "Karuto," he called her. Can she feel that he wanted to comfort her?

He didn't know who made the move, whether or not he was the one who pulled her or if it was she who walked up to him. But nevertheless, the next thing he knew was that Karuto now leaned on his chest, letting him settle his arms around her lithe frame as she buried her face on his shoulder.

"Why?"

What he meant with that question, he didn't know for sure. But he knew he meant to know what exactly Karuto meant with her strange words. Why was this young girl so disturbed, just because she saw him with Hisoka? Surely, she hadn't seen them in their intimate moments, Illumi had taken great care that they wouldn't be seen.

But one thing bothered him especially though. It was the notion that he would leave his family. Could it be possible? Those years of loyalty and hard work, those years of seeking his elders' respect, will they be wasted after all? Just a few days ago, Illumi had feared that he actually might do just so, that whatever the feelings he bore for Hisoka were strong enough to actually blind him to doing such a horrendous act of betrayal. But now that he faced his younger sister, with the new revelation at how much she had looked up to him, his state of denial wasn't getting any better.

But maybe "denial" wasn't the right word. Maybe he just refused to do such an act. And now, he knew the reason why.

Much as Hisoka had grown to be important to him, so was his family. And if he was to choose, he didn't know which side to take.

But surely, he knew what to tell Karuto. "It's okay," he whispered, caressing the girl's dark hair as she lay still on him. "I'm not leaving. Neither is Killua. Stop listening to what Miruki says, all right?"

A few moments passed, and he felt the tension in Karuto somehow subside. But her next words startled him gravely.

"Is he your lover, oniisama?"

Usually blank eyes were undeniably caught by surprise by then. His face betrayed his reputation as he tensed, shock flooding his pale features. He pulled Karuto away, holding her by her shoulders. She winced. Had he done it a bit too violently? He didn't mean to, he just couldn't help it.

"It's okay, oniisama," Karuto said, shaking her head. "I'm not telling anybody."

"H-How...?" was all Illumi could say. But a few seconds after that, he realize that by saying that very simple word, he had taken his chances of denying Karuto's words out. He had just admitted it merely in his state of shock. He winced, cursing his own carelessness.

"I told you, I've seen you with him," she explained, her voice patient. "I'm not trained as a spy for nothing."

True, he suppose that could explain it. Karuto was well trained for spying, she had done a number of such for the family before. He had underestimated just how good she was though by actually thinking he could keep such a secret from her with Hisoka's vulgarity. If he had wished to hide something, he shouldn't have _been_ with the magician all in all.

"Aa," he mumbled, nodding as if he understood.

Karuto nodded as well. "But it's up to you if you want to keep it. I certainly will. I owe you that much," she said.

Illumi frowned. "I didn't do anything for you. You owe me nothing," he told her.

But Karuto shook her head. "You're my brother, and you had made me respect you. I hate Miruki, and Killua is almost as young as I am. You're the only one whom I can look up to, and that's enough to last me a thousand favors from you," she said, almost shyly. She had kept her gaze from him again. She leaned more bravely now as she wrapped her arms around Illumi's neck, hiding her face beneath her brother's jaw. "That's why I'm afraid to lose you."

Illumi could feel the small pain in his chest when he listened to those words. Never had he imagined that this day would come wherein he'd finally be able to speak with Karuto this way, and hear her say such words that made her look like a child to him. But that was what Karuto was, a child. But her mind is more mature than anybody else he knew, and he was thankful. And he wanted her to know it.

Stealing a glance of the young girl on his chest, he sighed. The arms that wrapped around her small body tightened. No more words were exchanged between them both, but Illumi knew Karuto could hear his unspoken words.

_Thank you._

* * * * *

Unknown to the two inside the room, a pair of narrow eyes watched them from behind the darkness of the hallway. A small grin played on those expressive lips, moving in tune with his own thoughts.

"Well, that was cute," he said mockingly, careful not to be heard. But though he seem to take the scene as a joke, he knew inside that he was, at the very least, moved by the whole matter.

So he was right. The little girl _did_ hate him as he had suspected. Ch, maybe she just opted for the truth from Illumi because she failed in coughing up answers from him. Such a pity, that small girl. Her love for her brother sometimes clouds her supposedly intellectual mind. She was naive enough to threaten him before, telling him that she'll kill him if he would continue playing with Illumi. Yet, despite the searing anger in those child's eyes, he merely dismissed her coldly and went on his way.

But one thing was for sure. He may not take a lot of things seriously, but Illumi was certainly not one of them. He didn't see the necessity in sharing Karuto that small piece of information though, he had a reputation to uphold after all. But nevertheless, that certain thought served as a reassurance. To him, that is.

But though he had himself figured out, he didn't know anything about Illumi. One of the young man's words to his sister had bothered him even until now.

_I'm not leaving._

Those were Illumi's exact words. A bitter smile graced the magician's cold features. _Idiot. Didn't he know that by saying so, he just made his choice?_

A cold wind came to him suddenly, making him hold the silken robes to himself more tightly. But the coldness that tingled in his skin was no match to the chill that he felt inside of himself. His eyes drifted closed as he leaned on a nearby wall, listening to the silent breathing of Illumi from inside his room as he held his younger sister to him. A place that he knew he should be in instead.

He winced. He sounded jealous. And not just that. He _was_ jealous. The very fact angered him. Just a few days ago, he had admitted to himself the feeling he wouldn't even _dare_ utter even when he was alone. He admitted that Illumi did mean something to him. And now, he was like a child, seeking the warmth of a mother who was caring for another child. Or better yet, a lover seeking his partner while he tended to things that were as important as he was.

Or things that were more important than he was. If he was important at all.

Hisoka cursed himself inwardly, wincing at his own thoughts, angry with his own lack of control. When had he started being so unguarded when it comes to emotions anyway?

But that wasn't the main thing that bothered him at that moment. Warily, his gaze moved to the slightly opened doors of Illumi's room. The angle from which he leaned on the wall forbade him to see what was happening inside. But he was actually thankful he couldn't see, lest he himself would barge in there and pull Karuto away from Illumi's arms. He didn't especially hate Karuto, he could care less about a child who hates his guts or a child who accuses him of "stealing her brother from her". It was Illumi who disturbed him.

Like a prayer, the whispered words escaped his lips.

_Prove me wrong, Illumi..._

**End of Chapter 9**

**A/N:  
**Two chapters in one night, an accomplishment for the idiot that I am! ^_^ I like this chapter, though I doubt that anybody's out of character, I have a feeling that some people might disagree. I don't know what the relationship is between Illumi and Karuto, so like Kurapika and his earring, I decided to play with them for a while. I'm a sucker for sibling relationships, sweetness between them makes me swoon. For those who know what's up with them, keep it to yourselves so I can still enjoy my little fantasy, ne? ^_^'

As for Hisoka-sama, much as I want to lock him up with Gon in the same room to snap him out of his state, I just can't find the right situation for him =P So I just went for just keeping him as that. I just hope that the choice of words for him weren't TOO much out of character .

- Cherrie (http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama)


	10. Chapter 10: Clarity

**Mask of Innocence**

**Disclaimers: **Standard disclaimers apply. Hunter X Hunter is a manga made by the great Yoshihiro Togashi, my eternal mentor. No money is made in the creation of this fanfic.  
**Notes:** I'm falling in love with Illumi all over again *hearts popping out*. YAOI / shounen ai warnings again, but I think everyone knows that by now, ne? ^_^ Possible OOCness, my eternal nightmare. But I can't help it! . I mean, I'm writing a romance fanfic about two people who'd least likely have romance in their lives at all...ehe, er, forgive me now, okay? I try to make them as in character as possible anyway *teary eyes and bows down apologetically*. 

**Chapter 10 - Clarity**

Illumi winced.

The cold hands that held him were exceptionally strong, holding him so dangerously tight that he could feel those sharp nails cutting through his skin like a painfully dull knife. Unlike the times that he would savor them, those hungry, lustful, _needy_ touches, right now just didn't seem to be the right time to admire their possessiveness. They were too much. The feelings they summoned inside of him were strangely different.

Strangely...unpleasant.

Another kiss. Why did that kiss suddenly seem so bruising? How did those fond, though inevitably brutal, kisses turn into this violent frenzy of claims that threatened to mark him as theirs? As if he'd just disappear if they weren't so strong. The taste of blood was suddenly sickening, and his gut had started to churn in his own dizziness by the time he had swallowed the small drops of that crimson life stream, their metallic taste marring, probably masking, the supposedly sweet taste of the magician's kisses.

His fists came into tight balls of trembling fury. What was going on?

Illumi frowned. Summoning up all his strength, he pushed away the heavy weight that pinned him to his familiarly soft bed. The momentary look of surprise, and if only he could believe it, hurt, that stained those usually cold eyes made him regret doing just that. But that split second of guilt returned to anger yet again when those uncharacteristically soft eyes turned back to the orbs of ice that seemed to slash him with their glare.

"What?" came the snappy remark, white teeth baring in the moonlight as the magician hissed his protest.

The young assassin could only do as much as glare back. "What's wrong with you?" he asked irately, taking note of the dripping blood that flowed down one side of his lips. Cold, pale fingers came up to nurse his own wound, and the young man winced at the minor pain it caused him at the slightest touch. Seeing the blood on the heavenly whiteness of his fingers, anger seethed through him like a burning river under his skin. He glared at his partner yet again.

Hisoka narrowed one eye in an impatient expression. "What? It's not like I haven't made you bleed before," he said nonchalantly, turning to look away when--

Slap!

The sharp pain that coursed through his cheek was unbearable. Sure, the extraordinary strength that the young assassin had put in that blow had been strong, but he could've sworn he had worse. But why did his skin burn so much that he could feel himself tearing apart? Surely there was no blood, but why did the very act of Illumi hitting him strike a nerve in him?

"Are you awake now?" came the sudden question.

Hisoka turned to meet those wide, yet cold eyes again. His skin burned even more painfully when he found nothing in those eyes, only a black abyss that had been Illumi's trademark for so long. But deep in his mind, Hisoka knew that those eyes had started to change whenever he looks at them before. He knew those eyes were starting to open the assassin's doors to him.

But now...why did they suddenly close up again?

"What?" was all he could hiss out, searching for answers he still did not know where to find. It was a wonder how his voice could still sound so cold despite the turbulence that ran through him. Has he really been so used to coldness that even his own inner conflicts had been locked up from the world? Has he really lost the ability to respond to warmth? 

"Get out."

Perhaps he had.

The look of pure venom in Illumi's face was enough to make him lose his confidence in looking straight into those eyes again. It's funny. He could threaten the most dangerous of Hunters but he couldn't even challenge this assassin in a staring game. He supposed that Illumi just had better eyes than him. Too bad for him then.

Or maybe it was just cowardice. But heaven forbid, he of all people must never even be associated with such a word.

"I said get out," came that cold voice again.

When he looked up, he saw Illumi sitting up, his robes carelessly yet beautifully spread across his arms and back in a lose hold, just enough to hide him. The body may be hidden though, but it wasn't enough to seal images off the magician's mind. If only he could still hold him, touch him, _feel_ him against his own skin again. It was too bad that he just had to use up all his chances. Judging from Illumi's expression, he supposed this night was over.

But he's not leaving yet. Casually, he turned to one side and lied back on the soft bed. "Why?" he asked. He took care not to reveal anything, willing his voice to conceal his thoughts. He was successful. Though whether or not that's good or bad was beyond him.

He could hear Illumi take a sharp breath. "Because you're starting to irritate me," came the quick answer.

A bitter smile spread on his lips. Why were his grins suddenly replaced with bitterness anyway? "I see," he said, as if he just heard the most common thing in the world.

Silence reigned in that dimly lit room for minutes that seemed like hours. Why was he there anyway? Just a while ago, he found himself snooping around his lover's personal life by listening to probably one of Illumi's most intimate moments. And now, as an answer to that burning need to have that girl away from his lover, regardless of the relationship, he is now in Illumi's arms again. Or at least, _was_ in Illumi's arms anyway. 

After all those hours from when he had waited for Illumi's sister to leave, he just had to blow it now, didn't he? He would've laughed if not for the risk of further infuriating the younger man. What the hell was happening to him anyway?

The room was quiet yet again. Whether or not it was comforting or disturbing, Hisoka couldn't decide. It seemed to have stayed there between them for about a couple of minutes more until he finally heard Illumi's voice through the thickening silence.

"You'll be leaving in a week," he said, not meeting the magician's eyes.

Dark eyes narrowed down into what seemed like mere slits, as he looked past the curtains, past the walls and windows, past the dark, starless sky. He could've sworn that for that split second, he couldn't see anything. Not that it was unpleasant. Sometimes, he would think that he'd be better off blind. Maybe he'd see less things fascinating. After all, his taste for strange and fascinating things was the very reason why he's in such a mess now anyway.

But he didn't voice out his thoughts. He stayed still, one arm dangling from the edge of the bed as he continued staring out the window. The smirk that he wore was thankfully permanent in his features. He was thankful he still had his mask to hide in despite his twisted turn of thoughts. And heaven forbid, feelings, if he's even capable of possessing such monstrosities.

"Is that so?" was all he mumbled out. His voice seemed cold and distant even to his own ears. He wondered what Illumi thought of it. Did the young man believe his act of playing things cool? Maybe, if they're both lucky, he would ride in. Maybe, this accursed affair would once and for all end. For heaven's sakes, he knew fully well that this wasn't supposed to happen. One night with the assassin was all he had planned, not...this!

"My father said that he'll be expecting your departure on or before the week ends," Illumi replied, his voice just as hushed. Though he wasn't looking, Hisoka could feel those sharp, cat-like eyes bore through him. If only looks could kill, he'd be six feet under already from its intensity. 

Damn that insensitive bastard. Did he think that he's the only one capable of playing games here?

"Fine. I'll leave tomorrow," he said, making sure he had his expression cold and emotionless before he turned to face Illumi finally. One eyebrow rose in a look of challenge. "There. Happy?"

Was that surprise he saw in those eyes? Well, whatever they were, they were long gone before he could check again. No words escaped Illumi, for the young man only clutched his robe even tighter as he angrily looked away.

So there. Maybe that was Illumi's answer to the thousands and thousands of questions that had been bugging his mind for the past few days lately. His questions about what Illumi planned to do, what he was to him, what he felt for him. Hisoka should've laughed now. Yeah right. As if the word can be associated with that cold bastard. It was as strange as associating it with he himself. They made such a good pair because of that, he supposed. A pair ruled by mere sexual urges, no strings attached.

Heaving a gruff sigh, the magician finally pulled himself up, pulling out his own robe that had fallen on the floor. Carelessly fixing the tie that bound the two sides together, he half-consciously raked away the hair that had somehow grown to be disheveled because of his and Illumi's previous activity, carelessly ruined by himself by letting his frustrations get the better of him. Who could fucking blame him anyway? He kills when he's angry, was it his fault that violence was tainted in his veins?

But for the record, he regretted hurting him. For whatever strange reason his crazy mind would fathom, at least he knew it was true. But he didn't think Illumi would believe him if he tried to explain himself.

He didn't even give the younger man even the smallest glance. He stood up, summoning the will to walk out of that room without his head bowed. He wasn't, in any way, granting Illumi the satisfaction of seeing him in his own state of remorse. He'd much rather leave with his head high, despite being obviously rejected by somebody who had, by some miracle, moved something inside him enough to make him _almost_ want to stay.

His steps were quiet as he made his way through the carpeted floors of Illumi's room, intending to be out the door as quickly as his feet would let him. He was convinced that fate just wasn't on his side this time. _Oh well, you can't get them all anyway,_ he told himself. But unlike his other egocentric self-speeches, this one for some absurd reason, was more on self-assurance than self-satisfaction.

Because he would be a fool to say it didn't hurt.

The room seemed deathly cold for some reason. He almost stopped when he felt his legs start to betray him, but his pride just wouldn't let him do so, he supposed. Bah. Maybe he just needed to kill somebody. The idea seemed tempting at the moment. He needed something to burst his anger on somehow. Illumi just didn't seem to be the right person though. But it wasn't only because he was in a place where only a fool would even dare point a knife on a member of the infamous family, he knew it in himself that though he may be a bit careless in handling the beautiful boy, he wouldn't be able to find it in himself to do anything fatal.

To hell. He loved the guy. At least, that was what he thought it was. He never really knew what that word really meant. But that doesn't make much difference now, does it?

He was now facing the huge doors that led out of the room. He wondered though, if he could only tell Illumi what he felt sooner, would the boy understand him enough to let him stay as long as he just did? Maybe, deep in his mind, he hoped that just maybe, Illumi might not even be the cold man that he made everybody believe. That scene with his sister seemed to be proof enough after all. He sighed, careful so that Illumi wouldn't hear. What's the point of thinking about things now, after all? Wasn't it a little bit too late? 

He held the knob in one hand and turned, but that was when he felt something both warm and cold take a hold of his wrist, twisting it almost too painfully. But Hisoka could hardly care. Blood started to pump more violently inside him now, shaking him, his chest threatening to burst. Well...perhaps he was mistaken for thinking so negatively.

The door knob was then let go when that same mixture of coolness and warmth pulled him away. The movement was fast and almost impatient, and he almost missed the part where he collided with a warm body, only to be pushed against the hard wooden door, both body and mind trapped. The last thing he saw was a pair of furious, cat-like eyes he had both grown to hate and love before all of his kept up sanity slipped away from him as warm, aggressive lips captured his in a frenzied kiss.

The kiss started out as almost violent, biting and pulling, tongues fighting for dominance as if their own life depended on it. Body pressed against body, skin meeting against skin in as much places as possible. Both pairs of strong and well-trained hands moved around, as if finding no satisfaction in the areas from which they have held and caressed, bruised and marked.

But all haste and hunger ended as he started to taste the small amount of blood that seemed to drip from the fresh wound from Illumi's lips. That small hint of liquid moved him enough to make him lick the wound gently, willing the blood to stop rushing, the movements of his tongue slow and gentle, as if he were apologizing. Pulling the soft, slightly swollen lips between his own, he gently sucked in the saltiness of blood and the sweetness that was just natural from the younger boy, losing himself completely. They never kissed like this before. Never had their kisses been so gentle, sweet enough that he could almost feel what most people call "butterflies" inside of him. He didn't even realize it when his hands held Illumi's face soothingly, uncharacteristically careful this time, as if he held the most fragile and precious thing he had ever come to hold in his life.

Well, perhaps he was.

But all good things have to come to an end, and Illumi just had to pick out that time to put that stupid saying in check. He pulled away. 

Too abrupt, that ending was too abrupt. But fortunately, before the magician could protest and think that he was yet again rejected for the second time that night, the young assassin granted him one last kiss, with all the summed up gentleness that he had in him. Similar to what Hisoka just gave him, whose words and thoughts reflected what the other man just shared to him but a few moments ago.

It lasted a few moments more, enough to make the magician feel at ease. It was a kiss that satisfied him enough that when the younger man pulled away again, he made no sign of protest, for when he opened his eyes, he met up with those deep, black eyes again, now void of the earlier anger and resentment. They weren't soulless anymore, and he was relieved to know that he had been wrong in thinking that he had seen the last of those eyes. They were filled with things both known and unknown to him, things that he himself wasn't able to comprehend.

But it didn't matter, because the promise that Illumi held in those usually cold eyes were proof enough that he wasn't going anywhere. And his voice, low, gentle, and somewhat heavenly, had given him all the reasons to finally believe in the hopes he once doubted could come true.

"Don't go."

**End of chapter 10**

**A/N:  
**Aagh!!! Hisoka sounded like some sadistic lover or something! *scratches head frustratingly* Fortunately, nobody has accused me of doing the characters in a way where they are out of character...yet. So again, I'm hoping that this chapter may be all right with everyone who reads it. Any types of constructive protests or violent reactions are always welcomed in my mailbox, don't forget that ^_^ But of course, a few good comments here and there would be nice too *sheepish grin and holds up a peace sign*.

This chapter was shorter than the last, but that's because it'll then be too long if I add one more scene. But I apologize anyway ^_^ And I kind of like this chapter as it is despite my lack of inspiration. No wait a second, I -do- have inspiration. *grins* Minna, look at this pic:

http://rienne_c.tripod.com/illumi2.html

It's been my constant companion since chapter 1 aside from Nuriko-sama's "Perfect World" (anybody heard that song? It's pretty!) ^_^ It's my favorite picture of Illumi-sama, and it's the original inspiration for this fanfic. Judging from the fact that this fanfic's chapter 1 was a lime *cough*, er, you people -do- realize exactly what -kind- of thoughts I've been having when I first saw that, ne? Aiya! *bows down apologetically* I'm just a child, don't kill me! .

- Cherrie [http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama (will be updated soon, I promise ^_^')]


	11. Chapter 11: Parting Roads

**Mask of Innocence**

**Disclaimers:** Hunter X Hunter and all mentioned characters are owned by the greatest mangaka of all time, Mr. Yoshihiro Togashi. Rest assured that no money is being made in writing this fanfic.  
**Notes:** Ehe...okay, I still can't decide about the Gon+Killua thing, because no matter how I try to twist my perspective, their friendship really seems platonic. Sweet, but still platonic. Y'see, there are just some kinds of friendship that are too beautiful that you just want to watch them as that, plain friendship. No strings attached. And it's amazing how they work well. But again, I'm a yaoist, I _might_ change my mind (it's possible, my mind changes 99.9% of the time over something anyway) ^_^'

**Chapter 11 - Parting Roads**

"That's good, Master Killua. Now try attacking me on the left side."

Killua nodded. Sweat due to the harsh training that late afternoon trickled down the sides of his face, but they remained ignored. The young boy could hardly care about such little things right now. All he wanted to do was to get this part of his training over with so he can spend his time on more important things. After all, being the best killer was not his top priority at the moment, and surely his family is not dumb enough not have noticed. It's been years. It's either his entire household is a bunch of irritating idiots or they know but they refused to yield to his hints.

Cat-like eyes shifted from his trainer to a small cottage-like structure a few feet away from the training ground. Inside it sat a small, but very familiar figure of a young boy with dark, spiky hair, with his feet dangling from the height of the railing from which he sat. Even if he was too far to take note of it directly, he knew that those child-like eyes were a light shade of brown, and that when they looked down at him to catch his gaze, he knew those eyes smiled at him. 

That boy's smiles were contagious, and little did the light-haired Zoldick knew--despite his earlier thoughts--he himself was smiling back. 

_Gon..._

"Master Killua." 

That small smile instantly died down at the sound of that voice. How long must this thing take before he can go up to where the other boy sat so that they'll be able to spend more time together? Obviously this idiot for a trainer of his didn't understand the hints he's been making for the past hours that he wasn't at all interested in anything he says. 

"You must remember that you must always keep your guard. Many professional assassins have made such mistakes and had cost them their lives. Now, if I was planning to attack you a moment ago, you would've developed a serious wound. And master, you know fully well that hurting you is the least of my intentions every time I try to train you."

"Tell me, Ichigami," said Killua, his eyes boring through the other's own. "Just when do you intend to let me go, anyway?"

One thin eyebrow rose at the young boy's question. "Let you go, master?" he asked with nothing but pure inquiry reflected in the calm, almost cold eyes. 

"You know I never liked training. Do you really think I'm taking in what you say?" taunted the boy even more, a small smirk in those playful lips. "Because honestly, I don't care whether or not I become a good assassin. In fact, just between you and me, I'm going to kill everybody in this household when the right time comes." Killua paused, then shifted his gaze back at the other man. "Even you."

Surprisingly, the middle-aged trainer smiled. "But do you think you can do such a thing if you don't take training seriously?" he asked the younger boy. "I'm fine with anything you want to do in the future. And I'll be just as happy to be of help."

"Hn," Killua looked away. He didn't even look the least bit afraid of him, and the man's confidence was starting to irritate him. He gritted his teeth, and lunged towards Ichigami. "Servants and your stupid acts of nobility."

"Whatever you say, master." He then dodged Killua's kick on his left side, then coming up to catch the younger boy's fist as it intended to attack him a second time, he twisted it in a way that Killua was forced to turn around with him in an attempt to save his arm. But the trainer had anticipated this move, and with his other free hand, made contact with the other boy's right shoulder. The full impact of the blow caused Killua to be pushed back towards the ground, a cloud of smoke emanating from the path that he swiftly scratched against as he laid on his back. 

"Damn!" Killua clutched at his left arm as it throbbed none too nicely hanging from his shoulder. He glared at his trainer. 

"That's what I said about letting your guard down," he said. "Also, try not to be so confident of yourself, master, even if you know you deserve the self-praise. Others are weak, true. Others are lower than the legendary family of the Zoldick's, true..."

"And all these crap about the Zoldick's egocentric views of themselves are making me barf, true," added Killua sarcastically.

"...But don't let such thoughts make you stupid." Ichigami continued, undaunted by Killua's words that they almost seemed like they never was spoken at all. 

"Are you being paid to insult me, you wise-ass?!" snapped the young boy as he continued glaring at the older man. It was all he could do lest he jump up to attack vainly again. Considering his arm's state, he better think of a better way to hurt the man without getting himself into a barrage of "constructive criticisms" about his fighting skills just in case he misses.

A displeased look crossed the man's face as he looked down at Killua. "Also, do remember that your temper must always be kept put when you're in battle, because it tends to block out rational thinking. You can't seem to perfect this despite your strength and abilities. Now, if only you'd look at Master Illumi--"

"Oh! So NOW you're comparing me to him again! Illumi this, Illumi that, why can't you be as good as your goddamned brother Illumi... Why the HELL can't you all just take Illumi as your stupid heir and leave my hell for a life alone, you bunch of--"

"Killua?"

The young boy's body suddenly stiffened at the familiarity of that voice. Cursing himself for his own fear, angered by his lack of reason just as well, Killua looked everywhere but the owner of that voice. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see his trainer bow down to acknowledge the presence of his other master, his low voice confirming Killua's senses. 

"Master Illumi, we were just talking about you," said Ichigami, the upper part of his body still bent low in a respectful bow. 

He didn't see it, but he knew that the other nodded. "So I heard," his brother said, in that familiarly ice cold voice of his. And though it was clear that their last argument was definitely complimenting him and his skills, the older Zoldick didn't seem to be pleased. 

Killua heard footsteps, and he knew they were coming towards him. He gritted his teeth, and insisted on avoiding his older brother's gaze. But deep in his mind, he could picture those blank eyes that revealed absolutely nothing, the eyes that was known to strike fear in all of Illumi's victim's as if deep in those eyes rested a spell strong enough to petrify them. Not that he could blame them. If he himself can't stand looking at those eyes, what more can a common, normal person do? 

Of course, there was Hisoka. But who ever said that creep was normal anyway? He was definitely everything _but_ normal. He seems to have a certain fondness for his brother. Whatever possessed that magician to see his brother as something else instead of the usual impression others have of him was beyond him. He had known that the two have made a sort of alliance during the Hunter Exam, but he had thought that it ended there. Little did he know the huge mistake he just had thinking about it. 

"Killua. Are you neglecting your training again?" he heard that voice ask him. That was when he realized that the footsteps have stopped, and his back was running cold from the sudden closeness. Whatever it was that was in Illumi's presence to make him feel him so intensely bothered was unknown to him, but he had always tried to avoid it. 

And with thus said, Killua jumped up to put a few steps distance between him and Illumi before turning back to glare at the older Zoldick. "That's none of your business!" he yelled out, with a look of pure venom in his eyes. 

But Illumi didn't return the glare, unlike most people would have. He remained calm. "All right then," he said as if nothing had happened. He turned to the trainer. "Your time is almost over, so you might as well leave. My friend and I will use the training ground." He then gestured towards Hisoka with a small movement of his head, who stood a few paces beside him.

Killua watched as his trainer left the training ground without as much as a look back at him. His eyes then shifted towards Illumi, who had his back to him. He was wearing a black, long-sleeved outfit and loose enough pants that he had seen often enough to notice that it was two items of the clothes his brother uses when he practiced. 

Pale, almost dead white hands that held a simple band of black ribbon came up to tie back Illumi's hair into a loose hold. Seeing his deathly white brother all in black was enough to make Killua think of death himself, minus the scythe. He cringed at the thought. 

Illumi made his way past Hisoka, who Killua could see was looking at him. When their eyes met, the magician smirked. "If I'm not mistaken, your friend's right there in one of the cottages," he said, pointing a slender, long-nailed finger towards the path up the hill beside the training ground. "I think the little boy there's waiting for you." And then, he laughed. 

Killua couldn't see what was so funny, but then again, he couldn't care less enough to find out. He ignored the magician completely and made his way up the hill and towards the cottage that contained the familiar face of Gon. He prayed that for once, let heaven take pity on him enough to give him somebody that can at least make him feel anything but anger and loneliness. 

* * * * * 

Dark brown eyes peered through thinly rimmed sunglasses across the table. Not that there was anything active to watch. The beautiful boy he had been watching was doing nothing but stare at the distance, as if he was far too oblivious about anything else around him. He felt like he was watching a movie that had gone on some sort of pause, and much as the actor possessed beauty unsurpassed by any living soul he knew, he felt as if he could have something more. 

Maybe a small conversation was needed. After all, half an hour of utter silence can either put a man at peace or drive him insane. In his case, he knew he'll get the latter if he went on _just_ watching. If something was bothering his companion, he was in no way in hell allowing him to take it up by himself. Never again. 

"You all right, Kurapika?" he asked finally, leaning over the table to look more closely. He hoped that maybe a slight shift of movement would be enough to catch the other boy's attention.

But Kurapika remained silent and unmoved, that the doctor almost felt afraid that he wasn't heard at all. But a few moments of patience somehow paid off and Kurapika finally looked down, the first movement he's done since they got there. "Where will you go after this, Leorio?" he asked, his voice so low that it was barely audible against the gentle breeze that passed through them. 

"What do you mean?" Leorio asked. He had a slight idea what the younger boy was talking about, but perhaps he was just trying to stall the time. He didn't have an answer. Well, he did, but he wasn't entirely sure if it was the right thing to say. 

"One more week is all that is given to us." Kurapika sighed. "We both have dreams that are left hanging. Being a Hunter is but a step towards our goal." He stopped, and momentarily, he looked up towards the other. Blue met warm brown, enough that a small hint of a frown crossed the Kuruta's face. "Leorio...I can't go on unless I quench the anger I've built up for so long."

For a moment, Leorio remained silent. He seemed contemplative, and his gaze drifted down to his joint fingers that rested on his lap. He sat cross-legged, and he was thankful, for it forbade him to slouch despite his current state, and somehow left a kind of dignity despite his dying enthusiasm. 

Thankfully, Kurapika saved him the trouble of speaking. "Now that I think about it, we're kind of similar. We both lost something dear to us, and we both went through a lot of misery because of the loss. But what separates us both is our strength to face such emotions. Your purpose to live had been the most noble thing I've ever known--" he stopped to raise a hand, for Leorio had immediately looked up, obviously to protest. This worked somehow, for the doctor leaned back again on his seat and kept his mouth closed. Kurapika continued. "And as I was saying, compared to yours, my life now seemed to have been run selfishly."

"Don't talk as if you're comparing a leech to an angel, Kurapika. You know perfectly well that there are other aspects wherein you can compare us both without making yourself sound so low--"

"Like what?" Kurapika asked, abruptly cutting Leorio off. "You're better with people, your social skills can be graded 101 in a rate of 1 to 100 while mine is worse than a 1. And you've always been so patient, and your humility surpasses even a saint, that despite how people see you, it never bothered you because you know who you really are."

"Now I know something _is_ wrong. For the record, you're strong, you're determined as nobody else can ever be, you're intelligent as you are clever, you remain fearless no matter what the situation, you're dignified and treated with respect. I don't even have to add beautiful, but I'll list that down just as well," Leorio said, glowering at Kurapika though both of them knew his anger was never really meant. In fact, it almost made Kurapika smile, for the younger boy's lips tugged from one side despite the bitterness he seemed to have felt after he heard those words. Leorio watched all this with a confused fascination, and all he could do was go back to lean on his chair again. "Tell me what's wrong." It wasn't even a request. It was an order.

Kurapika looked down, and for a moment, Leorio thought he wasn't going to tell him what was bothering him _again_. He was almost insulted, but Kurapika somehow decided to redeem himself and sighed, indicating he had something to say. 

"Ever since that night..." he paused. Unable to say what he had intended to, he all but blushed at the memory. So instead, he looked up with weary eyes across him to catch the other man's gaze. He felt relieved when he saw him nod, indicating that he somehow understood. "Ever since then, I've been more at ease with myself because I knew I finally found someone whom I need not hide myself from." His frown deepened. "But then I began to think. Will this last? Living isn't all about happiness and peace, there were also things like dreams and hardships one needs to go through to finally be complete."

"What are you getting at, Kurapika?" Leorio interrupted, obviously not liking the turn their supposedly "small conversation" had gone into. 

"What I'm trying to say is that, in a matter of days we'll all be leaving and go on our separate ways," he said. "And all these paths lead to what we all have been living for as Hunters. But all of these paths and dreams are so far apart. If one of us goes with another, one dream will again be left hanging, and probably would be left hanging just like that."

"Look, if you're trying to tell me that you're unable to let go of this goal of yours, then fine, I'll go with you."

"You don't understand. That's _exactly_ what I expected you to say," Kurapika said, giving Leorio a bitter gaze. "But don't be stupid. Like me, you know where you're supposed to be. You've promised yourself that you'll live a life in the memory of your best friend, and I wouldn't dare go between you and that promise."

"But I also promised to always be there for you. Wouldn't I be breaking that if I say goodbye?"

Kurapika shrugged. "I'd much rather you pay more respect to the dead than me."

"First you're comparing yourself to someone like me and now you're comparing yourself to the dead? Not that I'm insulting Pietro, bless his precious soul, but honestly..."

At this, the young Kuruta laughed, though it still came out bitter whichever way one would try to listen to it. "Of course, you're not going to give up Pietro just because of my selfish act of vengeance now, would you? Surely it's better to save people than kill them alongside a red-eyed lunatic."

"I told you to stop it already." Leorio held a scowl on his face. "I noticed that every time we get on something I actually see as _nice_, you'd somehow be able to twist it in a way that, no matter how happy we are, you'll find some sort of pessimistic thought about it," he said, glaring at the younger boy who only bowed his head in what seemed like a silent acceptance and apology. 

Leorio let out a sigh, unable to keep himself angry for long. So instead, he gave a small smile and tilted his head to one side in a thoughtful manner. "The roads in life, no matter how many, are not straight lines. One way or another, they'll turn around and meet up with another path. I always hope that whichever path I take, I'll meet up with you on my way." He stopped. He shook his head. "Let's change the subject, all right? We'll both think about this, and we'll just settle it by the time we're about to leave."

Kurapika just nodded. A few minutes passed them both before they spoke another word. A slight change of wind made the Kuruta look up to one of the cottages right across from theirs, probably a good hundred meters away. He couldn't quite decipher what the occupants were talking about, but that wasn't what entirely caught Kurapika's attention. "I'm worried about Gon," he said, his eyes fixed on one of the two boys in that cottage.

Leorio blinked and turned back to look at where the other was looking as well. "Sillva-san said that we shouldn't worry about Killua because he already knows. But he didn't exactly tell us anything about Gon," he said. "I wonder if Killua told him yet."

Kurapika sighed. "I don't know, but I think it would be for the best if we leave Killua with what he wants to do about it," he said. 

"Knowing Gon, he'll be terribly upset." At this, Leorio rose from his seat, indicating that it's time for them to leave. Kurapika did the same thing. It was inevitable for them to look at the very cottage that contained their two other friends. 

"Leorio?" 

The doctor allowed his eyes to remain on the two kids, now laughing over something Killua had said. "Yeah?" he asked, willing Kurapika to go on. A few minutes passed without an answer, but eventually, he felt something warm slither its way around his fingers, holding him in a loose, yet secure hold. 

"Roads _do_ twist and turn," Kurapika's voice said. "I also wish to see you again along my way," he continued. He looked up at the doctor and gave him a small smile. 

Leorio smiled back. He nodded. "And who knows. Maybe there will come a time that we will be taking the same path. Even the same ending if we get lucky." With this, the slightly larger hand that held the young Kuruta's own tightened, pulling the young man close. 

A gentle kiss was shared, binding the unspoken promise.

**End of chapter 11**

**A/N:  
**That last part with Leo-sama and Kpika-sama was rather TOO mushy for my own tastes, but maybe some people might appreciate more than I did *sheepish grin and bows down apologetically*. I forced the last part out, I'm very sorry. I just felt that I need to finish this chapter lest I get victimized by the dreaded writer's block again ^^; Thanks for reading and your patience, minna! And thanks for everyone's support! ^0^ 


	12. Chapter 12: Face to Face

**Mask of Innocence**

**Disclaimers:** Hunter X Hunter and all mentioned characters are owned by the greatest mangaka of all time, Mr. Yoshihiro Togashi. Rest assured that no money is being made in writing this fanfic.  
**Notes:** A few more chapters more, and I'm happy to say that this fanfic is nearing its end ^_^ I'm quite happy, because I've never finished a chaptered fic before *sheepish laugh*. But I won't make it too quick that it would be left hanging. Wish me luck, minna! =P 

**Chapter 12 - Face to Face **

Hisoka's dark eyes swept through his soiled fingers before he mindlessly dismissed them in but a series of mechanical claps. His steps sounded through the hard stone floors of the front rooms of the mansion, a part that was a grave opposite of the rooms at the back. He figured that the reason why the front's style was a bit too morbid for a normal person was because the family might've liked to be seen as who they're known to be. Perhaps they're just trying to live up to their name. Might as well strike fear into the little people's minds with the look of their residence, right? 

Actually, he found it weird. But what the hell, it's not like he hasn't seen them as weird from the very start anyway.

The flames from the torches were the only source of light that aided him as he walked down the wide hall. He kept his eyes ahead, his lips still posed in that almost permanent smirk as his arms rested unmoving inside the pocket of his black pants. Well, actually, the pants, along with most of the clothes he wore at the moment, weren't exactly his. He had borrowed them from Illumi especially for the proposed battle the eldest Zoldick child had offered. Both he and Illumi had seemed to agree that in fairness, they should wear similar, if not all in all the same, clothes so that they wouldn't be burdened as much with any discomfort. 

Of course, being the arrogant man who cared about how he looks, he wasn't going to let his style get away. While Illumi wore the simple color of black from head to toe (a color Hisoka thought was way over used by the boy despite the fact that it suits him anyway), he made sure that he wasn't wearing only one color. So he used a blood red sleeveless shirt for his top. Lastly, his sharp crimson hair was fixed in a low ponytail behind his back. 

He forgot the reason why he dressed less daringly the past few days, still void of the facial make-up and all. He didn't bother trying to remember. Illumi seemed to prefer him as simple as possible anyway, so he supposed that it wasn't so bad despite his being unused to it sometimes.

Finally reaching his destination, his steps faltered to a stop as he looked up at the majestic doors of what was supposed to be one of Sillva's rooms. He had asked fairly well from every servant he passed by to find out just where the older man was. He had stayed long enough to know that the members of the family had more than one room. One for dressing up, one for working, one for studying, one for sleeping of course, those kinds of things and the like. Another one of the family's absurdities no doubt. 

A series of knocks came quite soon. He didn't bother waiting for an answer. He pushed one door open and stepped inside. 

"Who's there?" came a heavy voice from one corners of the room. Sillva's voice, if Hisoka remembered it properly. 

The magician's smirk gained a bit more confidence. He wasn't really afraid of him, unlike most people. Why would he? He was never given enough reason to fear anything or anybody before, so why start now? 

All right, so there _was_ something he was a tad bit afraid of, but that was why he was there in the first place. Taking a deep breath, the magician took another step, ignoring the momentary sounds of the door as it closed behind him. 

By the time he was a few more steps inside, he finally turned to the farthest corner of the room. All he saw was but a shadow, but it was enough for him to know who to speak with. 

"Sillva-san, may I have a word with you?"

* * * * *

"Why?"

He couldn't look at him. By the time he heard the young boy's usually lively voice drop down a few octaves lower to what sounds to him like it was mixed with fear and disbelief, he knew he wouldn't be able to look into his eyes anymore. Those eyes revealed far too much, and he need not look up to see that they're now filled with more emotions than he can ever count. They will hurt too much, so cowardly as it may seem to be, he refrained from looking. 

But it was inevitable for him to look up when he felt warm yet shaking hands grab hold of his shoulders, forcing him to turn and face the other. He tried shutting his eyes, but he couldn't shut his ears to the desperate words that came from the very voice that he knew he'll never forget. 

"Why, Killua? Are you telling me that I won't be seeing you anymore?"

He couldn't remember the exact moment their laughter turned into this. Just a while ago, he found himself smiling again after the harsh day he have had so far. After his training session, and after that horrid moment he saw himself look into his older brother's dark eyes, the only time he remembered himself realizing that he was capable of being happy was when he went up to his best friend and told him they can now play together again. 

But deep into their light-hearted conversation, the picture of his father came to mind. He knew he had to tell Gon sooner or later. He told himself that it might as well be done sooner lest he fully loses it and decide to just run away again. And yet, he didn't know what made him change his mind about freedom against responsibilities. He couldn't even remember a single word his father said now that he thought about it, but still, he was here, telling his best friend about what he knew would happen, and what must be done. 

That is, that was what he had planned. But now that he saw the look of sadness and confusion cross Gon's youthfully innocent face, he knew he's losing. He couldn't do it. He couldn't stand it. He'll take anything but this.

If only there was something he could do to make him smile again. 

And soon after he thought of that did he shift his eyes to a much more pleasant scene. Two familiar faces were looking at him from one of the other cottages that stood about that hill. Leorio and Kurapika, with their eyes ever so warm and welcoming. Their gazes seem to be the only consolation heaven sent down for him after all that he had gone through.

Forcing a smile, Killua turned away from the two to face Gon. He held up his hands to take Gon's own away from his shoulders. If only he would've allowed it, he would've winced at the weakness he found in those supposedly strong hands. Had Gon been _that_ bothered by what he had just said?

In an attempt to comfort him, he spoke. "Ne Gon, forget it, okay? I should've thought that this wasn't the right time for me to say this to you, I'm sorry. I'll try to sort out my mind, then we'll talk again, okay?" he offered, his smile still intact. 

_Smile for me Gon. I can't smile for too long unless you coax me into doing it. That's what you do, remember?_

But Gon's lips were still a firm line that trembled nervously at random. "Killua...will everything be all right?" he asked, his voice still void of its usual liveliness.

_I can only wish...but I will try. If that's what it would take for me to stay with you longer, I'll do anything._

But instead of saying his thoughts out loud, the young Zoldick just remained smiling. He squeezed Gon's hands before letting go, wishing that it would be enough to comfort the young boy. "Leorio and Kurapika are over there," he said, pointing at the cottage from where their two other friends stayed. "Let's go to them, ne?"

He didn't bother checking whether or not Gon nodded. He took the boy's wrist and started pulling him out of the seats they stayed in. He practically ran through the grassed hill towards the other two, with Gon trailing limply behind him. If only they were like how they were used to, he would've hit the boy upside the head to knock him out of whatever it was that bothered him. But for some strange reason, he didn't feel like it was the right thing to do.

If only he could make him forget about what he had just said, maybe things would still be the same. Who was he to think that he could bring the news out to him without causing pain? If only he could take it all back, maybe then he wouldn't be bothered by Gon's eyes so much. Maybe, even up to now, Gon would still be smiling. 

* * * * *

"Where have you been?" asked a very irritated voice by the time he had stepped inside the room. 

Hisoka merely grinned back at the obviously impatient face that his lover presented to him. Really, the younger man was entirely too cute looking pissed. Feigning innocence, he answered. "Uhm, the bathroom?" he said, pointing at the bath robe he wrapped around himself while holding up the towel he was using to dry his hair. 

He loved the way those black eyes rolled in an irate way before the ebony-haired beauty himself stepped up to eye him warily. Or glare, whatever one would call it. "You disappeared right after I asked you to stay put. What the hell do you think you were doing running off like that?"

"Why? Were you worried?" the magician asked playfully.

"Actually, yes. I was worried that I might soon hear of our precious house getting burned to the ground by some homicidal lunatic that somehow went on the lose," Illumi retorted sarcastically. 

Putting out a mock pout, Hisoka reached out to rest an arm around the slightly smaller man's shoulder. "Aaw, I can't believe you'd say something like that. I'm hurt! And the thought of your house being precious to you never crossed me..."

Wincing somewhat, the pale-skinned Zoldick rolled his eyes yet again. "Quit joking around, Hisoka. Where have you been?" he asked, as impatient as he was before.

Still undefeated by Illumi's constant short-temperedness, Hisoka just shrugged. "Oh, just somewhere," he answered, dully rubbing the towel on his hair again. 

"Answer me properly, please," came Illumi's authoritative voice. 

"This coming from somebody whom I just asked a question from and answered me sarcastically?" 

"Hisoka."

"No really!" Hisoka held up his hands in a sign of defeat. "I just went around by myself so I could think, that's all." He was lying, but he found no use for telling Illumi the truth anyway. Not that his real intention was to keep things from the other, but what the hell, lying was a habit to him. Even if it was not, he would still find the right time to tell Illumi of what it was that he had done. 

Unfortunately for him, Illumi didn't seem satisfied. "You're lying," he stated firmly, despite the fact that Hisoka could've sworn that he had said his earlier statement with a face as straight as all the others. But Illumi seemed to be sure of his instinct that the other was lying. He turned his back and reached for the knob on the door. "Fine, if you prefer to be like that, so be it." And with that, he was opening the door, about to leave. Or so he had intended, until Hisoka stopped him. 

"That's it? You just came here to ask that stupid question, and then you're leaving? You're not going to talk to me, ask me other things, tell me what happened while you were just as well away a while ago?" he stopped momentarily to leer down at the young Zoldick. "No goodnight kiss even?"

One slender brow rose from their well-rested state above wide, cat-like eyes. "Since when have I visited your room to give you a dumb kiss anyway?"

"The question is, Since when have you visited my room at all?" retorted Hisoka, who held a slightly annoyed look on him. "Come to think of it, it's always me who comes to you, isn't it?" 

Illumi glared at him, still trying to pull away. "Apparently, I somehow have the sanity enough to control my hormones."

Hisoka laughed. "Of course, the ever so insensitive one. Ironic how it is that you're the more passionate one in bed, don't you think?"

"Shut up," was all Illumi said before he tried pulling on the door again. Hisoka still held it still, and they had to put up with a staring game. Well, Hisoka's staring, Illumi was obviously glaring. "Stop grinning at me and let me go," ordered the young Zoldick again. And again, his orders were left ignored. 

"No." And with that said, Hisoka pushed the lock on the door and placed all the latches in place. The bedroom doors in the mansion had three sets of locks. For whatever reason, he had no idea. But this time, it would keep Illumi in longer, just in case the other one tried to escape. He does so quite a few times, unfortunately. 

"Just in case you don't know, my sister found out about us, thanks to you. Now if you don't mind..."

"No use hiding now that she knows, right?"

"The point _is_ that if she found out, it's possible that more people _might_ find out the same way. And if you please think about it, your room being locked and mine being empty at this hour of the night isn't as natural as you may think."

"You're being too paranoid."

"And you're taking too many chances."

Hisoka sighed. From personal experience, he knew that it's difficult to argue with Illumi if the younger man had set his mind to something. Well, that was unless one would be more persistent and hard-headed. But that would make Illumi lose his patience in return. So obviously, he had choices when he was with him, but it was hard to choose any of them, considering the consequences.

With Hisoka deep in thought, he didn't notice that Illumi had made his way towards the door and proceeded to unlocking the latches and chains that made up the extra locks. By the time Hisoka realized just what the other was doing, the door was opened. 

Despite everything that had happened, there were still times when he thought that Illumi was still as cold as he had been before. And these kinds of situation were not helping. And to think he'd do just about the extremes just to stay with him. Even until now, he still couldn't believe it. 

But just when he thought he had left, Illumi's steps seem to get louder again, as if he was walking towards the room from whence he had just left. A few seconds later, his head popped in from the slight creak on the door with an annoyed look. Whether he was annoyed at Hisoka or something else, it was hard to tell. With a defeated sigh, he closed his eyes and spoke. "Wait for me here, I'll just lock my room's door." He stopped. "That is if you changed your mind and decided I need sleep."

Somehow relieved, Hisoka gained back his grin, understanding the real message to that statement. "Of course not. You get too much sleep already, Illumi-kun," he said, a tad bit too enthusiastically. Illumi has his own language, but it doesn't take a genius to see what he really meant. Okay, so sometimes he can be a bit difficult to understand, but the effort is all worth it in the end anyway. 

_Goodness, I'm really getting soft. I wonder if it had developed into a habit..._

The magician could only shake his head at himself. He listened as Illumi's footsteps died down on the halls. Has it been so long since he remembered himself as someone whose life is all about fighting and killing and stealing and the like? He hasn't killed the usual amount of people lately after all, all he's had so far is the bunch of pitiful idiots who somehow pass through the gigantic doors towards the Zoldick territory while he takes his little strolls. 

He sighed, shaking his head again. Instead of giving himself any further headaches, he just decided to lie down on his bed to rest while waiting. He stayed in his robe, since he decided that he shouldn't bother putting on any clothes. He wouldn't be using them anyway. Illumi would see to that. 

**End of chapter 12**

**A/N:  
**This was shorter than the last chapter, sorry ^^; This is a rewriting of the 12th chapter, that's why it took so long to come out ^^; Not that this one is any good either, but it's better than the last draft. I told you all that chatroom thing I'm doing right now is getting to me. That *points at Hisoka/Illumi part* is what I get for making Hisoka far too playful while listening to the HxH Character Vocal Song cd over and over. Ack, Gon-kun's voice is far too high-pitched and perky for this supposedly morbid fanfic! . I'm telling you, only Kurapika-sama and Leorio-sama have decent voices here. Gon's is far too cute for my own good, and Killua's is far too much like Gon's that I can't distinguish them from the other anymore *sticks tongue out*. And Hisoka's...er, nevermind. For those who have heard it, you know what I mean ^_~ I wanna hear Illumi sing though. Hey, if they made Sensui and Itsuki sing for YYH, why not Hisoka and Illumi? *ehehe!*

Also, I just watched the first parts of Hunter X Hunter (a part I unfortunately missed the first time around thanks to another's stations choice of anime that I foolishly thought I preferred more than HxH *I'm an idiot, I know*), and I found out that, heaven forgive me, I've made a LOT of mistakes. Especially on the part of the Zoldicks, but hey, they're a rich family, their mansion isn't as simple as a castle that looks like a dungeon (even if it is, HEY, this is a fanfic ^.^) I'm trying to edit the whole fanfic right now (along with the typos and grammatical errors, I found out how much they were when I reread this stupid fic *scowls at herself*). I might update this a few days from now. Er...that's it, thanks for reading! =^0^=


	13. Chapter 13: Uplift

**Mask of Innocence**

**Disclaimers:** Hunter X Hunter and all mentioned characters are owned by the greatest mangaka of all time, Mr. Yoshihiro Togashi. Rest assured that no money is being made in writing this fanfic.  
**Notes:** *hides behind her chair* Yikes...someone caught my booboo ^^; Er, hai, Sarj-san (*blinku* I'm older than you? So that makes you 14? ^0^ Would you mind it if I still call you 'Sarj-san'? Ehe, out of habit *sweatdrops* I'm used to being one of the young ones since I did start writing pathetically at the age of 12, so I practically refer to everybody as '-san', ehehehe...), that chapter was useless. Supposedly, this chapter and the last should be just one, but I figured that it would then be too long. Kind of like those other chapters I have that pretty much only contains one relevant scene and the others are just fillers. *scratches head* I don't know if anybody got what I'm yapping about. Ahahaha! Don't worry, confusing people and myself is a habit I can't seem to get rid of, hahahaha--*gets hurled with a flying dictionary*

**Chapter 13 - Uplift**

He felt heavy.

The day was fair enough. The winds were neither warm nor cold, and the sky was lined with beautiful clouds with various shapes. He noted that if he were in a better mood, he would lie down on the soft grass and stare at them for hours, naming them one by one depending on what they would remind him of. 

He would've smiled at the thought. In fact, he was just about to smile, but a certain thought instinctively crossed him that kept his lips in a thin line of disappointment; the expression that he had been wearing ever since he stopped to stare off at a distance that early morning. 

_If this was just an ordinary day, I would've asked Killua to come and watch the clouds with me,_ he thought sadly, remembering the time when he had brought Killua to his home back in Whale Island. He had been so happy that time, finally being able to spend time with his best friend and still remain with his beloved aunt and grandmother. 

He missed them. But then again, it had been his choice to leave anyway. How long has it been? How many months have passed without him going back home? 

He sighed, his young boy's face looking more and more morose as seconds continued to pass him by. It hasn't even reached half a year yet and he's already homesick enough to leap for the next ship that would sail for his home if he was given the chance. But ironically, he was just as afraid to go home as he was ecstatic about it. That's because going home also means that he'll be leaving something else that was equally important to him now aside from the family that he had left behind. 

_In just a few days, I'll be leaving Killua,_ he told himself. 'Leaving', not only referring to leaving momentarily. To him, by the way Killua had said it to him, 'leave' means goodbye. A final farewell. He can't understand why he has to, even up until now. After Killua had left them because of another family affair, he wasn't able to suppress his feelings any longer and ran to Kurapika, begging him to explain the situation as simply and as gently as he could.

But despite how Kurapika had taken great care not to make it too painful, it still was. His two older friends must've realized this, for they stopped telling him the things that he had wanted to know and just started to give him words of comfort that barely did the job. 

He decided that he shouldn't bother Leorio and Kurapika anymore with his problems. After all, he had caused them far too many troubles already than he could count. He didn't want to bother people anymore, and he must learn how to stand on his own. 

But it was hard. It was hard to stand on your own when all you ever wanted to do was to run into the arms of somebody who can comfort you. 

He shook his head vigorously to clear up his mind. No, he mustn't think of such things. The fact that he had thought of Killua on that previous thought did not help him in any way. If possible, it only made this unwanted feeling worse. For the first time in his life, he pushed away the invitations of optimism, and just dwelled on his present grief and confusion in hopes that it may help him get rid of this ache. 

* * * * *

Raven orbs of midnight black looked around the area. He didn't know why he went there, or how long he intended to walk around in circles with no place to go. Perhaps long enough to clear his mind. But then again, with the rate that he had gone through, which was about three hours walking while muttering curses after curses, he didn't think his plan was working very well. 

Irritated with himself and of his own surroundings, he swept back a few locks of dark hair away from his eyes, only to be more annoyed when the damned things just went back to where they originally were. Deciding that walking won't do him any good, he let out a sigh and just looked for a place to rest. 

He walked a few steps ahead, only to catch a familiar presence around him. He looked around, leveling down his aura so he wouldn't be felt in return. After a few more strides, he finally found who it was that he had sensed, his brows furrowing in a guarded expression. 

"Gon."

* * * * *

His head quickly swept back in alarm when he heard his name called. And sure enough, right after that bone-chilling voice said his name out loud, his fear did not lessen at all. If possible, the sight of the pale figure of Killua's brother only heightened his uneasiness.

But as not to be rude, he nodded his head in acknowledgement. His instincts argued that he might be in danger though. After all, the last time they were alone, this man had attempted to kill him.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you," said the older man, his voice still in that same low, ghostly tone that he was familiar with. 

And slowly, as if he was performing a graceful dance step, he stepped forward and extended his arm, his finger spread in delicate positions in his hand. It was like last time, when he had looked at him and did what seemed to be a gesture to reach out and touch him. But unlike last time, there was no hint of malice in the other's actions, and all of a sudden, he didn't fear him anymore. He did not back away.

He felt the heaviness of the other's hand on his head moments later. It stayed there for a few more seconds, and the two of them faced each other straight in the eye.

Sensing that the young boy's nerves were now at ease, Illumi backed away and retrieved his hand back to its place on his side. "This is quite far from the mansion," he remarked, still looking at the boy. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh..." Gon looked down, thinking of a good reason. 

_I wanted some air? I want to see the forests around these mountains? I got lost?_

Deciding that there was no sense in all of the things that he had thought of, he opted to just say the truth. After all, he didn't think that Illumi was the type who'd fall for petty excuses anyway. "I came here to think," he said, his eyes going back to the other's. He felt the pressure of Illumi's gaze on him, but he didn't allow it to bother him. Or at least, he tried not to be bothered. 

Illumi nodded. He seemed to have accepted his answer, Gon thought. And as if that wasn't surprise enough, the eldest Zoldick spoke again. "Same here."

Gon blinked. Where was this conversation going to anyway? 

"Oh, okay. Well, I better leave you now, Illumi-san." With that, he took a step back, intending to leave. Being alone with Illumi isn't exactly his favorite pastime. But just when he was a few steps away, he heard the other speak again. 

"You don't intend to take Killua away again, do you?" It didn't even come out as a question. Illumi's voice had such conviction that he could've sworn that he need not answer him.

But he did. He turned his back to face him again. "No," he said. 

For a few moments, Gon thought that Illumi won't be saying anything else, for he only stood there, staring at him again. "I know you don't," he said, again stating it as if it was a known fact. 

But before Gon could leave again, he continued with what he was saying. "But what made us worried last time was that even if you don't want to take him away, we were sure that he _will_ leave us," he looked at Gon with more intensity now. "Perhaps he was only looking for a reason to satisfy our questions why."

"Killua wants to stay," he said. He paused for a while before adding, "I don't like you people." He said this with full, unblemished honesty. "I don't think your lives are led well. But even if it's like that, I still see something good in all of you somehow. Maybe that's why I still have respect in you. And now that I found out just how much Killua is willing to give up just to uphold the name of this family, maybe I don't really have much choice but to accept things as that."

"Hn," Illumi seemed to be turning his back. "You've always been the martyr."

"If that what it takes to make him happy," he retorted.

If he didn't know any better, he would've thought Illumi was glaring at him. 

"You really are just a child," Illumi said finally. He didn't wait for Gon to say anything else as he started walking away. Soon, he also heard the set of steps that indicated that the young boy has run away as well. 

_After all these years of watching Killua grow up, this is the first time I ever saw him so full of life. And even now as you walk away, the will and determination to concur life that you left in him allows him to smile even now that he's back to the same life that he had hated._

He stopped and turned his back, watching as Gon's figure disappeared into the thickness of the vegetation. He knew that the boy never liked him. He didn't mind. But still, under his breath, his voice intended to be hidden..."I thank you." 

* * * * * 

Killua watched idly as the sun began to set in an array of colors across the afternoon sky. He sat sprawled forward against the back of a chair, his cheek resting tiredly on his folded arms. The constant shifting of clothes and shoes against the carpeted floors distracted him to no end, yet he couldn't just go up, stand and leave. He wanted this. He wanted to watch them in his misery as they come back and forth across the room as if they wanted to shove it in his face that they were leaving by the next day.

He listened to Leorio ask Kurapika where he keeps his writing materials and the other pieces of documents the Kuruta brought with him. He shifted his head from the window to the other occupants of the room while listening to what Kurapika said afterwards. 

Not knowing what else to do, he sat up. "Where's Gon?" came the much expected question.

It was Leorio who answered. "He went out. He said he wanted to go around and walk or something," he said. 

All of them knew the reason behind the boy's disappearance. But it was Killua who showed the most signs of disturbance. 

"You know, it's not the end of the world. You two are going to see each other again," came Leorio's attempt to reassure the younger boy. 

Killua sighed. "You're only saying that because you don't know the complications involved in my stupid family's traditions," answered the young assassin, proceeding to going back to his earlier position as he stared at the now dark horizons.

He heard Leorio snort. "Ever heard of the 'break away from tradition' phrase?" 

Killua shrugged, still staring off at the window. "Yeah? I'll keep that in mind. I'll do that after I massacre my whole family," came Killua indifferent answer.

The other two can only shake their heads at that emotionlessly bored reply. They know Killua well enough to be used to those kinds of lines. But even until now, they still weren't sure if the boy really did mean what he says he will do. They were all far too good--and awful--to be true, but then again, this was Killua they're talking to.

"Are you bothered?"

Killua turned his head to the owner of that much more gentle voice. Kurapika looked back at him with a serious expression, with a certainty that only the young, yet mature boy can ever have. He found out that he couldn't lie to him.

"Yes," he said finally, admitting his own part of the sadness as he leaned more and more to hide himself in the confines of his own arms. 

"You _will_ see him again," Kurapika said, mimicking what the older doctor beside him just said. "So why don't you just stop moping around and help us in here?"

Killua laughed. He would've teased Kurapika for his temper and his arrogance to trust his own words, but the door opened noisily enough to disrupt him. 

"Hi."

The three of them stared up at the small figure standing by the door, a small yet bright smile painted on his face again. And before he knew it, Killua found himself jumping out from the chair from which he sat on and started running towards the smaller boy. 

"Gon!" he greeted upon reaching him. 

Gon grinned up at him, sending a stroke of relief to flow through Killua. Gon was all right. "Killua!" he greeted back, his smile going even more wider. 

He didn't know whether he should be happy that Gon's smiling again. Does it mean that he doesn't mind them saying goodbye? 

He retained his smile though. "Where have you been?" he asked him.

"Out," replied Gon simply. "I was thinking about what you said. I don't know if I decided on anything or if I settled anything at all, but I _am_ sure of one thing: This will not be the last time that I'm going to see Killua." He said it with an air of sincerity and determination, that Killua could've sworn that he felt the strength of those words just by listening to them. 

His smile widened at that. "Oh really?" he teased, throwing his arm around Gon's shoulder to rub him on the head. "That's what Kurapika said, you know!"

Gon twisted around to get away from Killua's hold, and was successful after a few attempts. "Really?" he asked, his eye brightening even more. "Then it _must_ be true!" he declared happily.

From behind the two, Kurapika blinked. "What?" came his useful response.

Leorio laughed beside him. "Of course! If the great Kurapika says it so, and Gon-sensor-extraordinaire says it so, then it _must_ be true, right Killua?"

"Hehe, hey, it wouldn't hurt to believe, would it?"

"The _great_ Kurapika now, is it? I'm sorry but I sensed a bit of sarcasm there, Leorio," Kurapika said, pointing an accusing finger at the doctor. 

"Me? I've never been more truthful in my entire life!"

"Leorio..."

Killua watched as the two bickered some more, with Gon eventually joining in. He shook his head at the sight, mentally taking note that despite the constant weirdness of these people, they were still the same people he had grown to call his friends. 

No matter how many times his family denies it, he knew that it was the truth. 

* * * * *

"Okay...now let me get this straight. I missed killing that delicious specimen for a challenger outside the gates just because of your sudden fixation with hallmark moments?"

Illumi heaved a rough grunt. "I didn't ask you to come with me," he said.

Hisoka laughed and jumped down from the higher tree branch that he stood upon to sit beside Illumi, who sat at a branch as well on a level from which he could watch the scene behind one of the mansion's windows. "Yeah, well, you don't expect me to neglect you now, do you?" he grinned playfully. 

"Who said anything about neglect? I was actually wishing you'd leave me alone so I can watch my brother in peace."

Hisoka snorted. "Watch my brother in peace my foot. I'm not falling for that. Say...why don't we start bonding as well?"

"I hope you're not talking about anything physical, Hisoka. I'm busy."

Another laugh. "You've read my thoughts! I'm touched, you know me so well, Illumi-kun!"

Another grunt. "Shut up."

Hisoka quieted down for a few moments, following Illumi's gaze as he looked down at the glass window again. "But I'm serious," he said. After a few moments of watching the four, his eyes turned back to Illumi. "Leave that annoying brother of yours alone and we'll just make most of the time we have, ne?"

Illumi was quiet for a while. "You mean the time we have left before you leave, is that what you mean?"

Hisoka smirked. _ My my, somebody's worried_, he said to himself_._ Though he wanted to play around for a little more, he knew he should tell him now or else he wouldn't know how to later on. Well, he does know how, but he wouldn't think Illumi would appreciate being played around with. 

"Leaving?" he asked, feigning innocence. "Who ever said I was leaving?"

And at that, Illumi quickly turned his eyes from Killua to him. "Excuse me?" he asked, surprise evident in his supposedly indifferent features. 

Hisoka grinned. "Surprise, surprise. I'm not leaving, Illumi-kun."

**End of chapter 13**

**A/N:  
**There...now that wasn't so bad, was it? *uneasy grin* I'm wrapping up now, an act alien to my own self. I can't believe I'm about to finish this thing! *mock gasp and bonks herself on the head* 

To my reviewer who said that I should hurt Hisoka...er, *scratches head* sorry, no can do! He-ey! I love Hisoka, why would I hurt him? o.O 

Sorry for any errors and such and such. Still editing the whole fic from chapter 1, so bear with me. Also, periodical exams are coming near. You know what that means...? More free time for me! Mwahahahaha! Early dismissals are great, ne? I never really spend more than an hour in studying anyway =P Funny how I still pass *sweatdrops*

- Cherrie (kurapikasama@yahoo.com)


	14. Chapter 14: Departure

**Mask of Innocence**

**Disclaimers:** Hunter X Hunter and all mentioned characters are owned by the greatest mangaka of all time, Mr. Yoshihiro Togashi. The story of this fanfic, besides originating from the real manga's background, is obviously twisted in ways enough to get me arrested (*sweatdrops* heaven forbid). What I'm trying to say is that this fanfic is a different story in itself, so please do not base it too much on the anime/manga, okay?**  
Notes:** *starts bopping her head relentlessly on her table* I'm confused over the whole height thing. Who's taller, Hisoka or Illumi?

**Chapter 14 - Departure**

Loud, uneven footsteps marched through the stone floors of the hallway that lead to the main office. There were two sets of footsteps, one from an unusually agitated young assassin and one from a calm, almost amused magician.

"Will you kindly explain everything to me again?" asked Illumi. He turned his head to face the other who was trailing behind him, his steps never faltering in their haste. 

Hisoka shrugged. "I told you, I had a little talk with your dad and then, poof! I'm staying!" he replied cheerfully, his hands flying around in accordance to his words. He was grinning widely, like the over-confident man that he was.

The other frowned. "I still don't understand _how_ you were able to convince them," said the still doubtful Illumi, whose steps became all the more quick now that the door to his father's office was now in full view ahead of them.

"Hey, isn't that why we're going to see them now?" asked Hisoka. 

Frowning, Illumi just proceeded on knocking on the dark, heavy doors. Sillva's thick voice sounded soon. "Come in," he bade them, and at this, Illumi stepped inside, followed by the magician. The young assassin looked around, and caught sight of his two grandfathers playing chess on one corner. Sillva caught sight of them, and placed his pen down. "Ah, Illumi, what is it?" he asked.

Illumi nodded, and took his cue. "A few days ago, you spoke to me and Killua regarding the companions that we had brought here," he started, his eyes resting calmly on the form of his father in front of him.

"Yes," Sillva nodded. "And I know that you two understood what I had said."

"We have. You said that you merely allowed us to bring them here as a momentary past time. But then you expect them gone in a couple of days, and we are to remain here to do our duties."

"Yes, yes, I remember," Sillva nodded again.

"But Hisoka told me a different story."

There was a slight pause between the two, and tension started to build up. The thickness of the silence that surrounded the room started to choke Illumi, not knowing what kind of words he should anticipate. But Sillva sighed after a few seconds of waiting, and he lifted his folded hands up to his chin in a contemplative manner. "I see, I understand why you came," he muttered.

He stood up, and Illumi watched him come up around his table to stand in front of him, his muscular arms folded in his chest. Narrow eyes gazed at him critically, the strands of his silver locks rested on his shoulders, framing his firm expression. "Hisoka...came to me a few days ago and told me some pretty interesting things," he said, casting a wary eye at the magician, who merely cocked his head to one side with a confident smirk.

Illumi followed his father's gaze. He kept quiet though, hinting his own father to go on speaking. Despite his calm expression, his hands have somehow started to grow cold by just watching his father move.

"He said a lot of things that I found hard to believe," the older man said next. "I'm glad you came though. I would like to ask you personally just in case." And at this, Sillva stood more straightly now, and he began to walk towards Illumi, his eyes firmly set beneath light, bushy eyebrows.

It took all of his Illumi's self-control to keep a straight face under that critical eye. It was as if he already knew what the other would say, and yet he dreaded to believe the consequences that he's about to face just as the words passed through his father's mouth. Sillva's calm expression didn't falter though, and the sounds that the two other man in the corner made with their game suddenly became his only source of comfort.

He couldn't even look at Hisoka to see what expression he held. All he could see was his father approaching him, stopping in mid-step to stand a few paces away from him, his arms coming up to fold themselves again. He felt like he was back to the small boy he once was, waiting for his father to give him an order, or give him a review of his past performance. 

The words that escaped Sillva didn't come out surprising, but still, he felt the cold electricity spark behind his back when he heard the other ask: 

"Is he your lover?"

* * * * *

Kikyou looked up from the book she was reading and started to look around. "Karuto dear," she said, her eyes settling on the small frame of her daughter who was seated beside her. "What do you think is your father up to now?" she asked.

Karuto looked up from the smaller book she held in her hands. She remembered her walk with her mother on their way to the library. They had met up with her brother, Illumi, and that strange magician he was always with. Illumi had given her a short look but said nothing. Hisoka, on the other hand, grinned at her that didn't seem to catch her mother's gaze, but she didn't feel any hint of malice from him. It was strange. 

Her father had told them both that he's expecting visitors, and he suggested that the two of them go down for a while. Could it be that he was going to speak with Illumi about Hisoka? If so, why was Hisoka with him?

Karuto's eyes stared blankly at her pale hands. She has decided. Whatever it was, she can only hope that it's for the best for Illumi. She didn't mind keeping his secret anymore.

She remembered that night she went to him. She had intended to stay longer, but then she had caught a glimpse of a familiar figure behind the door. At first, she was angered by the strange man's actions, but later on decided that perhaps he needed to see her brother as badly as she had. She didn't know why she felt that way, but she did. 

She trusted Illumi, that was why she left him that night. She wasn't sure if the magician knew she saw him, but she didn't care. As long as her brother keeps his promise, as long as he wouldn't leave, she's all right with anything. 

The faded letters that graced the almost yellowed paper of her book were left unread. Karuto merely stared down at them without understanding. She then looked at her mother, who was still contemplating on her own statement. Instead of saying her previous thoughts, the young girl kept her silence. She replied, "I don't know, mother."

* * * * *

"Well?"

He couldn't look at his father. What was he to say? 

He could still feel Hisoka's presence behind him, and he didn't understand the sudden surge of thoughts that came to him soon after. Had he said that? How could he?

"How long are you intending to make me wait, Illumi?" asked Sillva, his voice still as leveled as it had been before. His tone didn't rise, nor did it fall. "Answer me."

The urgency reflected in his voice made him unable to speak. He didn't know what else to say. He didn't know how to act. He even doubted if he could move at all. But a few moments later, he surprised himself. A nod served as his answer. He supposed that there was no use lying now, especially when there was Hisoka around. He was the one who had told Sillva the truth after all. 

From the corner of his eye, Illumi saw Sillva nod. "I see," the older man muttered. "I'm glad you told me this, Illumi."

Unable to restrain himself any longer, and probably to release a bit of the tension built up inside of him, Illumi spoke. "I'm sorry," he blurted out, being that it was the only thing that he could think of saying. 

"What are you talking about?" asked Sillva, who still was the complete opposite of Illumi's state. He still retained his cool, as if what they were talking about was only the weather. None of Illumi's current wave of thoughts and worries graced the older man's face. "I'm fine with it," he said. The surprise etched on his son's face was inevitable, and a small smile betrayed Sillva's serious expression. "So are your grandfathers. I don't know about your mother though, she doesn't know yet. Of course we were surprised, who wouldn't be?" he said, his gaze still on Illumi. 

Illumi noticed that the sounds coming from the chessboard have stopped. When he looked up, his grandfather, Zeno, was beside Sillva. Mahha, his great grandfather, was still seated on his chair, fixing up the pieces. 

"We talked about it. We figured that, even if you did keep this from us, your performance regarding your job as an assassin didn't change, unlike what had happened to Killua," Zeno said. "Of course, we still think that the idea of our young ones having such relationships is not very advisable. But to make sure you'll be safe from any outside influences, we decided to just keep one who wouldn't make a difference."

"Employ him, if you may," added Sillva, who gestured towards Hisoka, to which the other merely nodded with a smirk. "We don't need two sons escaping the premises searching for their companions. Your case isn't like Killua's. The other boy, Gon, is a bit difficult, since he does oppose to how we lead our lives and the kind of jobs we take."

"So, you're...taking Hisoka in?" Illumi asked hesitantly, still drowned in disbelief.

"In a manner of speaking," Sillva shrugged. "He has agreed to the terms. If he makes a wrong move, we'll kill him." He then looked at Hisoka, who, again, nodded his consent. Sillva placed his eyes back on Illumi. "And as for you..."

All right, so maybe the whole nightmare hasn't ended yet. Illumi waited.

"The missions that are assigned to you will be doubled more than usual as punishment for your act. We can't give you the same treatment as we do Killua, I don't think Miruki can actually lay a finger on you without cowering in his own self-made fear of you. How you scare your siblings so is beyond us all," mused Sillva. But he disregarded this soon and just waved a hand, turning to his son again. "Is that all you'd like to ask?" 

It took Illumi a few moments before nodding. "Y-Yes, that is all," he replied, nodding his head in a slight bow before turning back, with nothing more but a small gesture for Hisoka to follow him. The door closed behind them soon after, and Sillva listlessly went back to his paper work, while Zeno went back to his seat for another round with his father.

Outside the door, Hisoka turned his head to face Illumi, who had his back to him. The younger man still looked pretty shaken, so he wasn't sure if there was relief or something else in him. In an attempt to undo the rising tension, he spoke. "There! That didn't go as badly as you thought it would, did it?" he asked, clapping a hand to the other in a gesture of mocking joy.

But Illumi was still silent. Hisoka heaved a gruff sigh and shook his head. He was about to throw another tease, but was abruptly cut off by firm hands making a grab for his shirt, pushing him to the wall. Fierce black eyes glared at him through the darkness. 

"Did you know that you almost had me _killed_?" hissed a still agitated Illumi.

Hisoka grinned. He was used to this attitude. "Stop worrying, Illumi-kun! I've thought about it you know, and I'm very good with negotiating things with other people. May I remind you that I was the very same one who negotiated with that boy Kurapika and became his spy against my former group? Oh, and don't forget the Hunter Exam. That was my best one yet!" he declared happily, not even the least bit bothered by Illumi's threats. 

"But this is different. In fact, both of us would be dead by now if my elders weren't so lenient," countered the other, who still had the magician trapped in his hold. 

"Oh, don't mind that. Just be glad that it's over and I still get to be your little plaything without having to worry. Oh, and vice versa, of course!" A series of insane laughter soon followed, making the assassin's irritation grow even worse.

"Hisoka..." growled Illumi. But instead of doing anything else, he just pulled the other closer to himself, their lips barely touching. "This is the last time you'll be doing something this drastic, do you understand?"

Hisoka smirked. He loved it whenever Illumi gets angry. The other doesn't seem to know how to contain himself. "Of course, Illumi-kun," he assured, still keeping his happy, yet irritating, smile. "After all, I don't think I'll be doing any more of this now that our secret's all out."

Illumi could all but gape at how easy the other was taking things. Knowing that he had no chance of convincing the magician on how serious the matter was, Illumi just shook his head. "You idiot," was all he could mutter. But he wasn't bothered when the other confidently smirked again, nor did he pull away when he felt warm lips catch his in a kiss. 

Well, the idiot needed something to shut him up anyway. 

* * * * *

Light brown eyes passed through the dark mahogany table by the bedside, his face void of the usually bright expression he would always have. His hands rested on the rough surface of the bag he had brought with him. He stared down at its bulkiness soon after. All his clothes are in; all his things, all his belongings. No matter how slowly he had tried to pack his things just to stall time, he knew it has to end pretty soon.

But...he wasn't as sad as he expected to be. In fact, he wasn't even half as sad as he thought he'd be. This experience had left him a strange feeling, as if he _had_ to be happy about something. He remembered the way Killua had told him how he had wanted to stay, how he had wanted to make his father happy somehow, even if killing still wasn't his most favorite thing. It was for his father, he had said.

Gon still thought that killing was bad, and he would've done what he could do to stop Killua from going through this kind of life. But Killua had promised that if it would be possible, he would remember him every time he needs to take one life away. Maybe through that, he may think about it, and maybe find a better life all in all without hurting others and his family. The assassin had admitted that he doubted that it was possible, but he said he would try. And to Gon, that was enough. 

All that talk about Killua and his family made him think about his _own_ family. He missed his Aunt Mito, and his grandmother. He'll be going home to them now. And maybe, home back to his father as well. 

He sighed, closing the zipper in his bag. A light knock on his door disturbed his thoughts.

"Gon?" came Kurapika's gentle voice. "We're going. Are you done yet?"

"Un," Gon murmured, picking up his bag. "I'm coming out now," he said, and turned his back to follow the older boy out the door.

* * * * *

Killua looked around, scanning the surroundings. His sides, behind Leorio, behind himself, everywhere, but the familiar form of a certain dark-haired boy was still nowhere in sight.

"Take care of yourself, kiddo," bade Leorio, who was patting his head now. "Be good, all right? Though, I think that won't be obeyed much since you _will_ start your training as an assassin after all. But don't forget to use your head, okay? Don't kill just for the sake of it, be sure money's involved," ranted the other. "And don't let it get to you lest you start killing for fun." Killua doubted if Leorio even understood what he was saying. As if the large teardrops that pooled on the corners of the doctor's eyes weren't bad enough. 

"I'll be fine, Leorio. You guys take care of yourself too." Any minute now...

The older man sniffed. Killua watched him struggle for more words, until finally--as the young assassin had expected--Leorio bent down and trapped him in a tight hug, wailing various words he found quite hard to understand. His words were muffled by Killua's shirt, and all the younger boy could do was stay still as the other bawled them out. "I can't believe we're actually going to leave you here! Don't forget the times we've been through, okay? Visit us some time, wherever we are. And be good. Again, that's a debatable issue, but you get the idea, right?"

"Yeah yeah, I get the idea! Now stop using my clothes as a tissue paper and go cry some place else!" exclaimed Killua, who was now trying to get away from Leorio's hold.

Instead of taking that as an insult, the older man merely laughed. "I'm gonna miss you too, kid. Even if you _have_ been quite a pest," he said, winking at Killua once to show what he meant.

Killua frowned. Honestly, he would've told Leorio that he'd miss him too, if not for that last remark. No, really! It just so happens that the guy ruined his chances of actually hearing the less than sentimental Killua say such a thing out loud.

He was about to open his mouth to protest and tell the other that he was not a pest when he heard another voice come from behind him. 

"Killua?" It was Kurapika. Killua turned his back to look up at the taller young man, who had one chain-clad hand extended to him for a handshake, which the assassin took without a second thought. "Thank you for letting us stay here. Take care of yourself," he said with a small smile.

Killua just nodded. "You too," he said, taking note that he had not let Kurapika's hand go yet. Well, he didn't want to. Compared to that agonizing goodbye with Leorio, Kurapika's was more comforting. Also, he used this to pull the other closer. "Psst. Take care of that idiot over there too," he said, pointing at Leorio. "If he keeps up like that, I bet he wouldn't even leave at all."

At this, Kurapika laughed. "Don't mind him. He'll be fine," he said. He pulled back and ruffled the other's white mane. "Well, that's it. Gon will be down soon, he's right behind me. Thanks again, Killua. It's been great," and with this, he walked towards the other man and hit him on the shoulder. Killua watched with amusement as the two exchanged words, with Kurapika sighing in exasperation as Leorio heaved another agonized sniffle. It didn't take a few moments later before Leorio shifted his wails to Kurapika, as he grabbed the other in a tight hug, muttering stupid words best left ignored. The whole thing ended with Kurapika wearing an uneasy look while he patted Leorio's back to comfort him, with the other still...well, bursting his emotions out. Those two were strange. Lately, they seem to be too close for comfort. Could it be that...? 

Killua shook his head. If ever they _were_ something, he'll find out eventually. But there goes his two other brothers. He really was going to miss them. 

"Killua!"

Finally, the one he had been waiting for. Judging from the tone of that voice, he'd bet Gon wasn't even halfway down the stairway yet. He was always like that, too excited for everything. Killua turned his back to give the other a big wave. "Gon!"

And sure enough, Gon came running down the stairs, his bulky bag swinging with him. He reached the other soon after, and the two exchanged high-fives. "I guess this is it," Gon said, a sad smile on his face.

Killua sighed, then shrugged. "Yeah, well, you said it wouldn't be the last time," he said, trying to reassure himself more than the other. But since it was Gon himself who had started with these kinds of hopes, he might as well join in. It was less depressing that way after all. 

"Of course not!" exclaimed the other. He now wore a genuine smile. "I'm going to be stronger, and I'll come for you again. Then I'm going to make you join the Hunter Exam, and you're going to pass this time. Then we're going to do other things. I don't know what yet, but we'll do them!" he declared happily.

"You don't even know what we'll do and you're already _that_ happy?"

"Of course! It doesn't matter, I can hardly care if I'm going to fall off a cliff next time I see you. As long as it's with Killua, I'm sure it's going to be great!"

A small blush graced the assassin's pale cheeks upon hearing that. Gon...he really did have a knack for making people feel really special. Especially in this case. Killua had never felt more appreciated than how his best friend made him feel. 

"Master Killua? May I escort your friends to the gates now?" one of the tuxedo-clad men by the entrance door to their house asked, interrupting Killua's thoughts. Killua merely stared at him, not knowing whether he should make them go now or make them stay a while longer.

"A few more seconds, if you don't mind," it was Kurapika who said this. He then turned to the two younger boys, and he tilted his head to one side in a gentle manner. "Are you two done yet?" he asked with a knowing smile.

"Not yet!" Gon said. And without even a space for other thoughts, he jumped up and gave Killua a great, big hug. 

Killua was still. The other's actions were, as usual, unpredictable. "Uh, Gon?"

"There! All done!" Gon declared as he pulled away. A bright smile graced his childish face, with a look of pure happiness. There were no sadness. No regrets. No doubts.

Cat-like eyes purple could but only stare at the three retreating forms of his best friends as they made their way out the door. Killua had made it a point to stay inside the house unless he would risk going with them. Not that that was a bad idea either, but he had his mind set. He will stay. There were other things he had to do, and his own burdens must never bother anybody else again. Gon was his friend, and before he renews his friendship with him, he must be sure that he will be safe despite his being his best friend. This was the only solution he can think of. 

But, that's all right. This was a new adventure in itself. This was his mission; to concur the position he has in this family, and live through what he was asked for, where all the people who were important to him all have their contentment. And after that, it will be his turn to be happy. For now, he'd be everyone's own sacrifice. And he didn't mind.

Because now, he has Gon to look forward to. 

**End of chapter 14**

**A/N:  
**To the reviewer who complimented this and the fanfic "Assassin for a Lover" (that was it, right?), thank you, but I would like to shift your regards to Nikki-san. She's the one who wrote that beautiful fanfic ^^ It's really good, wasn't it? *points at Nikki-sama* There's the author though, not me, I'm just afraid that there would be a bit of misunderstanding ^^; 

*horror-stricken* FF.net removed my Hunter Chatroom series! *bawls over* They said that I wasn't following rules and regulations. Wha-at!? It clearly wasn't a list of any sort, geez, it was a chatroom series! The characters are still themselves for cryin' out loud! The only rule I _think_ I didn't follow was the capitalization. But come on, you don't capitalize your words when you're in a chatroom, I was just being realistic! . *sighs* But I better not anger the staff, I might get kicked out all in all *sheepish grin* So for those who are still interested in the Chatroom series, just check either of these sites (the very reasons why the past chapters of this fanfic are delayed):

Scarlet Eyes (http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama)   
Dreams (http://www.geocities.com/leorio_hxh_dreams)

Part 6 will be up on both fanfic sections in a couple of days. Uhm, that's it. Better get back to writing now. Thank you for your support, minna! ^0^

- Cherrie (kurapikasama@yahoo.com)


	15. Epilogue 1st half: Surviving the Storm

Mask of Innocence

**Disclaimers: **Hunter X Hunter and all mentioned characters are owned by Mr. Yoshihiro Togashi and all proper companies. Being that the anime is still in progress, this story is twisted enough to have me arrested. I apologize for the lack of needed information, but I _need_ to give this thing an ending. So with that said, please base the storyline only until the end of the arc with the Geneiryodan. **  
Notes:** I know I'm getting annoying with my persistence, but I just have to make this clear. In the manga, Kurapika's eyes are brown (tea color). But in the anime, his eyes are blue. I quote (episode 52, Filipino dub, Kurapika speaking with Senrithsu):

_"Asul ang aming mga mata (Our eyes are blue)..." _

Now, I remember why I used blue. I heard it in _that_ episode. It's not my fault if that's yet _another_ glitch in the dubbing. Blame the network with the copyright, not me. If they _are_ mistaken, well, I'm sorry. I'll try to purchase the Japanese version of that episode so I can check, okay? ^^

**Epilogue – Surviving the Storm (Leorio and Kurapika)**

_Empty. _

_My eyes can barely see, and my hands have grown completely numb. If only I could find the one who can wash the pains of bloodshed away, I'll be eternally grateful. _

_Heaven. If you exist, I bring you a desperate prayer. _

* * * * *

The violent, rhythmic dancing of the dim flame was all that lighted the whole room, which, in itself, still is a tad bit too dark. It definitely was not the kind one would prefer while reading, but the diligent man who sat just beside the oil lamp remained the same. Dark, chocolate-brown eyes ran through the letters that graced the thick medical textbook, straining to see, yet undaunted.

Hours have passed before the dark figure finally decided to move. A weary sigh was cast off amidst the room's thick silence, and the slight creak of the chair sounded promptly as the man shifted in his seat, both his arms falling to his sides to at least allow his blood to circulate properly again.

It seemed to take forever. He felt the cold winds of winter come through his opened window as flashes of his earlier studies ran through his mind. His head felt rather stressed. Then again, four hours of studying non-stop with only a small bottle of water and a mug of coffee to wash down the fatigue _is_, in fairness, exhausting.

A tired hand came up from its limp state to reach up and take a hold of the thin eyeglasses, lifting it up from both his ears and allowing it too fall from his neck through the safety of tiny, meticulously made circular chains. The other hand came up as well to shield his loosely closed eyes from the fiery light of the flame, giving it a moment's rest before opening it again.

His vision was rather blurred when he opened his eyes, and the constant glare of the oil lamp strained one side of his eyesight. Across the table, behind all the stacked text books and encyclopedias, quietly laid a single photograph graced in a dark mahogany frame. From the tiring act of reading scientific terms with less-than-perfect understanding and accuracy, the momentary rest he had just by staring at the picture seemed to be the only peaceful thing that has ever happened to him.

Brown eyes remained focused on the framed photo, a tiny hint of a smile threatening to escape one side of healthy, masculine lips. There were four people in the picture, and he recognized himself as the tall one who held the shoulders of two of the members of the small group. The four of them were standing on a ship's ledge, overlooking the sea, with the tiny hint of twilight just behind their shoulders.

A young, preteen boy was the shortest, and the man recognized the spikiness of the child's hair, the friendliness of his light-brown eyes and the unhesitant wideness of the smile he wore to grace the camera. The one next to him, though slightly taller, was of the same age. Like what he did with the former, he remembered the same ashen hue of that boy's hair, the same knowing gaze and that ever-so-playful smirk.

Yes, he remembered them, Gon and Killua. Constantly. He still wondered what could have become of those two. Ever since they left Killua behind, it was back to where they have started again. They went on their separate ways, each having his own worries, about his life, about the others. Gon probably was the most bothered right after their departure, being that he frequently worried about his white-haired friend's well being. Perhaps their time together had been too much of a memory to him, something he now can't erase. The doctor could only hope that he'll be all right.

And last, but most definitely not the least, his eyes now fully rested on the very face that has repeatedly tempted him to take his eyes away from his work, begging him to look at it instead. And to be honest, he had yielded to its call, many times. And yet with every glance, he still felt drawn in the beauty of those soulful, watery blue orbs. Constantly, he stares at his own hand in the picture that lay rested on the beautiful one's shoulder in a friendly yet protective hold, and he could all but have given everything just to be given a chance to touch him again. He missed him so, and it was a secret he had kept hidden after all those times.

He shook his head awake. There was no use brooding about that now. Over the months that he had suffered through studying when his mind completely refuses to think of anything else but him, he had learned that it wouldn't be healthy to keep on allowing himself to lose to such lovesick practices. One way or another, he had to get his mind off things.

He had always wondered why the other never called. The first few months, there never was a day that he let pass without _trying_ to contact the other somehow. But despite his efforts, his attempts were never given back, and all that meets him every time he gets home was an empty cellphone screen.

He stood up. Again, brooding is not a healthy habit. Deciding that he's had enough distractions for one night, he grabbed his coat from the neatly fixed bed and strode off to go out the door.

* * * * *

_A thousand prayers to a deaf heaven, still I find myself falling. _

_Sweet memories, bring me comfort, for the whiteness of the falling snow only reminds me of the bitter cold. _

_I look up at the sky. I think of you. Damn heaven for its mocking ironies. You're the last blessing I had before darkness engulfed me whole. _

_In coldness, I suffered. And in coldness, I fell. _

* * * * *

He didn't know where he was going. He never wandered this far from the hotel before, and the chilling cold was starting to get to him. Despite the thickness of his coat and gloves, the night was still cruel enough to bring him a shiver. He rubbed his arms to get the cold away.

He looked around. The bald trees that lined the sidewalk stood steadfast despite the coldness, their dark branches lighted only by the dim glow from the streetlamps. The place was a part of the rarely populated outskirts of the city, and the scarcity of people is made known mainly by the silence.

But he wasn't given much chance to appreciate the peace. Out of the corner of his eyes, he caught sight of a dark figure lying on the snow, the pitch-black cloak vividly visible from the whiteness of the snow. He found the steady beating of his heart quickly changing, the momentary slow pace now replaced by a maddened rhythm. Dark brown eyes widened, a look of pure fear and worry, and he found himself in a sprint, trying to reach the fallen body.

"Are you all right?" came his frantic question. He shoved away the snow from the dark cloak. The coldness forgotten, he took a gentle yet strong hold of the fainted body, marveling at the delicate weakness that it emitted. But awe was then replaced by fear, for again, his heart did that maddening beat again.

_It's as if you're trying to tell me something..._

It wasn't anymore the snow that brought up the chill. The familiar tinkle of what reminded him of metal chains coming together did not escape his ears. A horrifying sense of dread overcame him all of a sudden, and the immediate movement made by his hand to take away the hood from the person's face seemed to be out of intuition.

_Like the warning beat of a distant drum, you climax to something as dreadful as this. _

"Kurapika!"

* * * * *

_I never imagined hearing your voice in death... _

* * * * *

"Raindrops."

Brown eyes lifted from the water bowl to the lithe figure rested in the safety of his blanket and pillows. A relieved sigh escaped him then, and if one would only look closely, those supposedly dark, male eyes began to water in the intensity of that relief. He would've jumped up to the younger man on the bed if not for the latter's condition.

Instead of relieving himself through the needed physical touch, he opted for a more gentle, considerate welcome. He gazed at the half-open eyes that were now looking up at him with lost recognition. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was all right.

"Raindrops?" the doctor inquired, a tender smile on his face.

Innocent blue eyes closed again, and the younger one's head shifted slowly on the pillow. He opened his eyes later on to look around, only to stop his gaze to rest on the white, snow-covered glass window. "I thought," he whispered. "That the sounds you make with the water were raindrops," he said. He paused, lowering his head, almost a bit sadly. "I've...prayed for winter to stop. I thought that maybe what I heard was the mild showers of spring."

Silence enveloped them both, neither knowing what else to say. Eventually, the silence was replaced by the gentle trickling of the water again. Blue eyes remained hidden, even as the warm towel was placed on his forehead to at least give him a moment's warmth. But the young man marveled at the grave comfort he felt when he felt the other's skin touch his. Despite the vagueness of his mind and senses, he knew that there was only one person who can elicit such a peaceful feeling in him.

"Leorio?" he called, gracing the other with his warm, child-like gaze. His voice was ever so gentle, the first angelic sound that the other heard for such a long while. "Why am I here?"

The other smiled, hearing his name uttered by that melodious voice, seeing those familiar eyes. "I found you," he said, still keeping his distance. Perhaps the other needed his personal space, just so he can cope up with his current surroundings.

For a moment, they were engaged in a staring game. But it was the younger one who broke the contact. "I thought I was going to die back there," he said, his eyes drifting off to the window again.

Leorio frowned at the very thought. Various worries ran through his mind. What if he hadn't been there? What if he hadn't seen him? If he hadn't listened to his own instinct, was it possible for this beautiful angel with him to really could've died?

He shook his head. "No, it was meant to happen," he said all of a sudden, earning him the young man's attention. "I came for you, because I thought I heard you calling me."

Silence. A look of what seemed to be a mixture of confusion, relief, gratitude and more, crossed the young Kuruta's face. He had to bite down his lip to cease its trembling, and for the first time in many months, his eyes softened.

He returned the other's smile. "You heard?"

That was all the encouragement the other needed to finally give in to his body and mind's pleas. One step was all it took for him to pull Kurapika's weak body to himself, the smaller one's fever intensifying the warmth that he felt with the desperate contact. A blissful sigh escaped him, and he was reminded of how much he had missed him.

The cloth that rested on his head had fallen, but that was but a minor worry for him now. He was overwhelmed by an unspeakable amount of peace that he noticed his breathing quicken just by the sheer greatness of his own emotions. Though still rather weak, he summoned up all his strength to hold on to the stronger body that held his, tightening the bond.

"Are you done with your mission? Are you content now?" Leorio asked, his cheek buried in the softness of the other one's hair.

"I...don't know," came Kurapika's soft reply. "I'm not even sure if it's really over. But still...I'm content."

_Because I realized that my true mission after all was to find you._

"Leorio...I want to stay with you."

If only it was possible, their hug tightened even more. Kurapika felt the softness of the other's hand caress his hair, gentle fingers running through the smoothness of his mane. He waited for the answer, his arms still insistently holding the warm body to himself, as if it alone would be enough.

Leorio's answer was still as kind as he remembered it to be. "Then stay."

The young Kuruta then found himself being laid gently on the bed again, his head rested on the soft pillow. The small cloth that fell from him a moment ago was now renewed, and it was placed above his brows again, soothing him. No more words were needed to be spoken, but still, before slumber finally takes him, he wanted all his thoughts to be out. "I miss Gon and Killua."

Leorio held his cold hands tightly in his own. "I can call Gon tomorrow if you want me to," he offered, warming Kurapika's hand with his hold.

"And Killua?"

"It's not going to be easy, but we'll try," he assured.

A small smile graced the younger one's lips again. He can feel sleep coming soon. He took a calming breath, never strained anymore unlike before. And as he continuously felt the warmth of the other's hand around his, he made a silent prayer.

Maybe heaven really listens.

**End of Epilogue (part I)**

**A/N:  
**One more to go and this fanfic is ALL done! *heaves relieved sigh* I can't believe I actually finished this thing! ^0^ Anyway, in response to what's been happening in my...er, reviews, here's a few replies:

Kathleen – I'm very sorry if I offended you in any way. But I believe that I've put in the proper warnings and notes in _every_ chapter of this fanfic, keeping in mind that one way or another, somebody's not going to agree with my views. Thus, I hold no guilt regarding any physical/emotion/psychological sickness my works might give to others. I work to please, but I can't please everyone at the same time and still do the things I like to do (mind you, I'm not implying that I like doing lemons *sweatdrops again*, but I won't elaborate). Allow me to apologize though. But next time, if you see me saying "to those who don't like the idea of [insert pair here], please turn back now", heed my words and do us both a favor, okay? I hope this would be the last time I'm going to receive such comments about my preference. I accept criticisms about my writing, but please not my opinions/views. But in any case, you said that I write just fine. Er, at least, I should thank you for that, so thank you ^^  
Yomi-san – I really appreciate you defending me back there. Thank you also for saying the necessary things I should've said myself *sweatdrops*. Please allow me to thank you. Again, I really appreciate it. 

To everyone who reads still, thank you for your patience ^^; 

- Cherrie  
http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama  
http://www.geocities.com/leorio_hxh_dreams


	16. Epilogue 2nd half: A New Cycle

Mask of Innocence

**Disclaimers: **Hunter X Hunter and all mentioned characters are owned by Mr. Yoshihiro Togashi. Er...please see previous chapter for the note regarding the storyline.**  
Notes:** This is the last chapter o.O I can't believe it's over, and I only had...two negative comments!? Not that I'm saying that I like such comments--I get depressed over a single bad comment, mind you--but honestly, I'm not very satisfied with this fanfic. Of course I like it somehow, that's why I'm writing it still. But I guess it still is not very satisfying for an amateur fanfic writer such as myself (who each and every minute finds a mistake in her own work and complains about it enough to make herself drown in depression for a day or two *main explanation of delayed updates*). It lacks something I'd much rather keep to myself lest you people notice it too *sly grin*. But I'm happy that I somehow pleased people over the course of this work, and I would like to thank everybody who had been supporting me until this very chapter *bows down in gratitude*. Next time, I'll really try harder ^^; 

**Epilogue – A New Cycle (Hisoka and Illumi / Gon and Killua)**

(Message received in Killua Zoldick's computer inbox)

_I can't believe you only contacted me now! You won't answer my phone messages to you. Don't tell me you lost your cellphone again. But I'm glad that I can hear from you now. Aunt Mito and obaasan says hi! –Gon _

* * * * * 

"...and you better not let tempers rise, or else you _really_ won't be able to even touch your brother in your little matches. He's actually going gentle on you, have you noticed? Are you sure you're actually working harder? You still seem pretty bored if you ask me. Want me to sneak you out? I won't mind. At least I get more time with Illumi. Hey, as if I like spending time with you. This sucks for me as much as it sucks for you, being that I can't even lay a single finger on you. Of course, if only Gon-chan would be here, maybe things can be a bit more interesting, ne?" 

Killua tried closing his ears from that irritatingly musical voice, the cool glass held in his hands serving as the only thing that kept him from going up to the older man to plant a punch on his just as irritating face. As is suffering through hours of training with his "new trainer" wasn't bad enough, but he also had to put up with the magician's talkativeness every time they get a chance to have a single break. 

"You actually have the guts to call him 'Gon-chan'?" he asked, scowling as he glanced at the man seated on the chair in front of him. "Even I won't dare calling him that!" 

"Why?" asked the magician, feigning innocence. "It suits him, doesn't it?" 

"No, it does not," defended the still irritated young Zoldick, turning his face away from the other. He hissed. "Where the hell's aniki when he's needed anyway? I'd much rather spend training with him than with this idiot Hisoka," he said, grumbling under his breath. 

Quite a number of months have passed since he had decided to stay, and whenever he stops to think about his decision, half the time he regrets it. Of course, there was no one else to blame but himself, and despite his constant self-contemplation, he knew that his decision was final. He _needed_ to stay. Each time he even thinks about running away again, he thinks of Gon, and how he should always be kept safe from his family's eyes. 

But it was twice as difficult to cope up with his life now that there was a new addition to it. He scowled every time he remembers it. He understood the part about Hisoka being able to adjust to his family's ways. He is well experienced when it comes to killing and is not bothered by it, unlike Gon. What he did not understand though, was the part about _why_ he was staying. As far as he was concerned, he once thought that the whole family business is exclusively for members within the family _only_. 

He glanced up to steal a look at the now silent magician, who seems to be lost in his own world this time, one of the rare moments that he's actually quiet. Honestly, he doesn't know what his brother sees in the guy. And who in hell would've thought that Illumi preferred men anyway? Last time he checked before finding out, Illumi had no interest in such things and relationships. Why did he start now? 

But then again, he supposed that, apart from the fact that he's been throwing the contents of his stomach out every time he imagines the two together, judging from his aniki's point of view, the arrangement has its own good points. They get more profit from employers who have heard of Hisoka's outstanding capabilities, and his just as excellent teamwork with Illumi. Of course, they don't know about the two's relationship. They wouldn't give a damn even if they knew anyway, so it doesn't matter. And Illumi's happier this way. In a manner of speaking of course, "Illumi" and "happiness" don't exactly go together. That was like associating Hisoka with "sanity". But his brother had been different since then. He couldn't explain it well, but whatever it was, he supposed that it was a good thing, being that he decided to just leave their business alone and just avoid them as much as he can. 

Or maybe he's just being nice? Had Gon's personality been rubbed in on him too much? 

* * * * * 

_Haha! I want to see you again, too! I don't have a reason though, unlike you. Is Hisoka really that annoying? Hey, at least he's not trying to hurt you. I still can't believe he's with your brother. Don't take this the wrong way, but that just gave me the creeps. Oh, you did say it was scary. That's the same thing, ne? Hehe, leave them alone. They're old enough to think for themselves. I didn't know a guy can be with another guy, maybe they're just friends? ^_^;; By the way, Leorio called me yesterday. He's with Kurapika! ^_____^ I wish we can all see each other again =( –Gon _

* * * * * 

"Our next employer wants to hire two temporary bodyguards to take with him on his business trip, reasons withheld. Your grandfather and I can take care of this. In the meantime, Illumi, you are to train Killua as much as you can. I know it would be quite a while before he himself can take on the real jobs, but it's better if he's ready at an early age." 

Sillva's eyes scanned through his list again, checking if he had said everything he intended to say. A slight nod of his head showed his satisfaction, as he placed the paper down on the table to look at his two sons again. "How's your training with your new partner, Killua?" he asked. 

"Manageable enough," replied the boy. He bowed his head down, lowering his voice. "Irritating actually," he added below his breath, unable to keep himself. 

Dark eyes shifted to look at the younger boy, regarding him with an expressionless gaze. Somehow, Killua felt the eyes that stared at him, and looked up to sneak a glance as well. He knew Illumi heard what he said. But he could hardly care. Who ever said he had to like the weird magician just because he was Illumi's special guest anyway? 

Illumi watched Killua staring at the stone floors. He knew that his brother knew he was looking, but the boy didn't look like he was going to return the gaze except for that millisecond of a glance. He stood still, with no sign of movement. 

Killua had changed somehow. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing. He had started to be less aggressive, doing everything he was asked. But he knew that it wasn't because he suddenly liked it. It was because it was as if he was obliged to do it. No matter how Illumi looks at it, it doesn't seem like it's going to do Killua much good. 

He wasn't doing this for the family. Not even for himself. He need not even have to make a guess. 

_Killua...why do you still insist on thinking about him?_

* * * * * 

_You're what!? Really!? That's great! No wait...you won't get in trouble with your family won't you? I know you said it would be quick, but you shouldn't try your family's patience you know. Killua, take care of yourself. Who knows what might happen to you. It's all right if I have to wait, I don't want you to get into trouble again. I made a promise to myself, in hopes that it would please you, and I WILL fulfill it. You're smarter than I am, that, I am sure of. You know what I mean. *sighs* I'm beginning to sound like Leorio... –Gon _

* * * * * 

Dark, almost violet eyes scanned the area carefully, making sure that there was no one else in sight. Stealthily, he placed one foot ahead of the other, keeping himself in the dark as much as possible. Light, careful hands leaned him against the wall, and his head flew towards the door right in front of him. A few more steps. 

The door wasn't even locked. Somebody's going to get in trouble for that, but that wasn't his concern anymore. It wasn't like he won't be able to break the lock open anyway. 

A pair of dark eyes flashed behind the darkness once the door had closed, acknowledging the incoming presence from behind him. "How did you know?" he asked, a smirk starting to grow in his amused, mischievous face. 

The familiar figure of Illumi appeared beside him. A few moments passed in silence as the young man merely stared at the now empty hallway, then at the door, still unlocked. "I just did," he said in a low voice, void of anger, void of any emotions. As if he didn't care. 

"You went out to put the one guarding the gate to sleep," Hisoka said, his arms now folded as he watched the other. "And you also made sure that all the servants were in their own quarters," he added. Still, the pale man was unmoving. "Why?" 

Illumi regarded him with only a small gaze. A few seconds later, he produced a small piece of paper, holding it between his graceful, ashen fingers. He silently presented it to the magician, who promptly took it. 

"Aniki," the magician read. "I'm going out. I'll be back in a month. Signed, Killua." He smirked. He handed the letter back to Illumi. "Of all people to write to, why did he write to the one who's most narrow-minded about the issue?" 

The magician's smirk widened when he was rewarded with a glare. "I'm not narrow-minded about it," he said, his voice firm and irritated, yet gentle in its own way. He took the letter from the other, running his eyes on the hastily written words that he had most likely memorized anyway. "It's just that his mind is not in the right place." 

Silence. 

Illumi sighed. "I've said it before. I don't care about what happens to Killua anymore, so long as he puts his mind and will in check to know the consequences of his acts for both the family and himself." 

"That's almost the same thing as 'caring', you know." 

Another sigh, now with a small shake of the head. "I'm just staying with you far too long," he said wryly, crumpling the short letter in his palms. 

"But that's a good thing too, you know," said the magician, who still looked amused. 

"What is? Staying with _you_?" asked Illumi, almost incredulously that it made the other scowl. 

But Hisoka eventually shrugged in an air of nonchalance, dismissing Illumi's insult like he always does. "No, your bratty brother running away. Your mother's going to have you look for him again. And being that you know where he is, you won't have much trouble looking for him, but your mother doesn't know that. So you're going to spend your free time elsewhere," he said. He then grinned. "Of course, I'm coming with you, which makes things more interesting." 

Illumi quirked an eyebrow at that. "What makes you think I'm interested in having a vacation?" 

The smirk that permanently graced the magician's handsome face was ever so evident now. Without even a second to spare, the young Zoldick now found himself trapped beneath scrutinizing eyes that dared him to look away. If he can, that is. "Because you'll grab any opportunity to be with me, that's why," said Hisoka, his voice as confident as ever.

A few minutes of staring came in next, both sides challenging the other to fight back. None of them backed away, like always. The turbulence in their relationship had always been an ornament that merely adds both sides' interest for the other. But minutes started to roll by, and eventually, Illumi gave in, surprising his partner. A small, ghost of a smile tugged his pale lips upward, a tiny glint coming from his usually blank eyes. It was the very first real "smile" the other had even seen from the expressionless assassin. 

"You're right," he said simply. And with that, he turned his back and started to walk away. 

* * * * * 

(Message received in both Leorio and Kurapika's cellphones) 

_Whale Island, main dock, Friday, at 3:00 in the afternoon. –Killua_

**The End**

**A/N:**   
Killua: *blink* That's it?  
Che: Yyep, that's pretty much it.  
Killua: That's the end...?  
Che: *scratches head and nods*   
Killua: So...what's the plot?  
Che: *sweatdrops* Er...you noticed that too? ^^;  
Killua: *glum look* I'm not stupid.  
Che: *sweatdrops again* Of course you're not...hm, the plot. What _is_ the plot anyway?  
Killua: You're asking me!? You're the one with the keyboard here!  
Che: *scowls* He-ey! Why am I talking to you anyway? You're not even my favorite character! I wanted Illumi-sama!!!  
Killua: Eeew! Who wants a creepy guy like him!? *ignores Che's shriek of "I do!!!" and just grumbles* Like you're my favorite author anyway...  
Che: *throws a cotton ball at Killua (just in case Killua fans mob her for "hurting" Killua-kun)* I don't appreciate that!!! No really! What are you doing here? Go off and elope with Gon or something.  
Killua: *kicks Che on the head* Urusai! 

To my reviewer Laarni, thank you for the sweet comments ^^; It really makes me happy that I please people, being that I find it difficult to please myself. About the SD fanfics, I'm an avid MitKo fan, but I might do the RuKo. Don't be surprised if it comes out RuKo-MitKo though, that should be expected ^^; RuHaru is a big no-no though, I'm very sorry. I'm not very inclined to RuHaru, HanaHaru I can stomach, but please not Rukawa-sama XP

Again, thank you to everyone who read. I hope it's not as bad to you as I seem to see it for me. I swear, it's not false modesty, something's just wrong . I promise that I really will try harder next time. Please excuse a young, mindless child, okay? Oh, and before I forget:

A Declaration of Love: Kurapika-sama! Illumi-sama! Leorio-sama! I love you~!!! *all hail!*

- Cherrie (kurapikasama@yahoo.com)   
http://www.geocities.com/leorio_hxh_dreams   
http://www.geocities.com/kurapikasama


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